I knew I’d perpetuated the fucked-up situation between myself and my dad by not standing up to him. It had always been easier to give in, to cave to the old man’s requests. It was easier not to start an argument, not to make my mother upset, not to be blamed for everything that went wrong in the damn house all the time.
It was times like these when I really wished my brothers still lived at home so I had more of a support system. Or that my mom would help me out for once, but that would never happen. She hated rocking the boat as much as I did.
“You know, Nick—” Jess paused as if she was gathering her thoughts. “All the things he’s asked of you so far are little things. Insignificant, really, I’m assuming. But I can only imagine that one day it won’t be so insignificant, because it won’t be what you want. At all. I think there’s going to come a time, like a defining moment, when you know that if you agree to what he’s asking you to do, it will change everything. And it will be the moment there’s no coming back from. You know what I mean?”
Sledgehammer, meet chest.
Breath, meet your exit.
Heart, meet your doom.
I soaked in her words, allowing the cold, hard truth of them to enter my mind and swim around in there before drowning.
This was too much. Too much truth for one evening, too much feeling. Too much everything. I was desperate for a subject change, feeling oddly uncomfortable in my own skin.
“You’re right. But let’s talk about something else, girlfriend.”
“If you want, boyfriend.” She smiled slightly as she said it, but to me, it was enough to light up the whole room.
“I want. And I need to ask you something. But you have to say yes.”
She laughed. “That doesn’t seem fair.”
“Maybe I don’t play fair.”
Her face scrunched up as she crossed her arms. “Well, are you gonna ask or what?”
“We have formal coming up in a few weeks, and I refuse to go unless you come with me.”
I smirked, hoping she’d be unable to refuse. The truth was that I had to attend because it was a frat event and I was the president, but I’d hate being there if Jess wasn’t. I wanted her by my side.
“What’s formal? Like a prom?” She gave me a perplexed look.
“Basically a formal dance and dinner. We bring dates. It’s a lot of fun. We’ll have a good time; I can promise you that.”
“And we get dressed up? You’ll be in a tux?”
“A suit. But a really hot suit.”
“How could I pass up seeing you in a really hot suit? I’m there.” She smiled, and I loved knowing I put that smile there.
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
Jess leaped into my arms and moved to straddle me again. All thoughts slipped away as her lips met mine, sending my blood flow straight to my groin. When her tongue met mine, I instantly hardened and gripped her ass, and her hips moved slightly, grinding into me.
“Wait!” she exclaimed and hopped off of me as quickly as she’d gotten on.
“What?” I groaned, half wanting to die.
“Will David be there?”
David, the fucker who put his hands on my girl? “No.”
“No?”
“He was suspended from the fraternity today.”
“For how long?”
“I’m not sure yet. But I’m thinking permanent removal.”
“Really? When did this happen?” She sat on the floor and crossed her legs.
I moved from the bed and sat directly across from her. “This afternoon. I met with David and told him to get out before meeting with the rest of my fraternity brothers. I’m supposed to take a vote, but I overruled it.”
“What do you mean?”
“When something happens, we’re supposed to vote on the punishment. But I didn’t take a vote. I just told him to leave.”
I could have issued David a warning and allowed him to stay in the fraternity, but I knew I’d never be able to look at him without wanting to pummel him. And he needed to learn that his behavior wasn’t okay. I realized he was drunk out of his mind at the time, and he apologized profusely when he saw me later, but he needed to learn how to hold his liquor. Yeah, this was college and we all made mistakes, but that was one mistake I refused to condone.
My decision didn’t earn me any friends. The guys in the house were pissed at me over it. We were supposed to be a democracy and take a vote on whether he should be kicked out. When I removed him without the vote, they said I was making an example out of David because it was Jess he did it to. They claimed that if it had been some other girl, any other girl, I would have been more lenient, more willing to listen to reason.
I didn’t want to think about just how right they might have been. I wanted to believe that no matter who it had happened to, my reaction would have been the same, but the truth was that I didn’t honestly know. And I didn’t like the way that made me feel about who I was as a person.
There had been so much about my character that I’d struggled with lately that this only added to it. One more thing I needed to do some soul searching about, but I pushed it deep down inside instead. It was easier avoiding the hard truths than meeting them head-on.
Epic Embarrassment
Jess
Nick and I had been officially dating for a couple of weeks now, and the death stares from other girls had pretty much stopped.
I knew the routine. They were probably biding their time until our relationship ended, which was what usually happened when it came to Nick and the girls he dated.