Elle had wished the past few months would fly by, but unfortunately, they were the slowest of her entire life. The graduating senior activities only made it that much slower and that much more irritating. She had to listen to all the chattering about who was taking who to prom. Yes, she had heard several girls ask Nero, and yes, she and Chloe hadn’t attended. It wasn’t like they would have gone if she and Nero were still together. Chloe wouldn’t have been able to handle it, and Elle would have never gone without her. Then there was this other thing of her being absolutely miserable at school for the past four years.
Elle was closer than ever to leaving; only two more weeks stood in front of her freedom. She and Chloe both were going to attend Stanford in the fall, and they could finally move on with their lives.
Brring.
Elle didn’t even realize English class had started, and now it was already over. She picked up her satchel and headed for the door.
“Elle, could I speak to you?” she heard Mr. Evans speak behind her at his desk.
Elle nodded for Chloe to go on to class then she turned around and went to Mr. Evans’ desk.
“Yes?”
She noticed a worried look in his eye.
“I have finished grading the final essays, and I would like you to take a look at yours early.”
“Okay.” The final essay was actually a redo of the first one he had assigned to the class, a five-hundred-word essay on who you love the most. This time, he had asked for it to be a five-to-seven-page paper. Basically, he wanted us to see our own growth and how our feelings could possibly change toward a person.
Mr. Evans held a huge packet of paper in his hands. “I would like to say I’m sorry about your father. That must have been hard. I can tell you really love him.”
Elle held out her hand. “Thank you.”
Mr. Evans placed the big stack of paper in her hands. She hadn’t remembered it being so long.
“You know, sometimes I accidentally staple students’ papers together.” He let go of the papers. “You can read it in here. I’ll need it back. I don’t want the students to think I’m playing favorites by letting you see your grade first.”
Elle stared at Mr. Evans before she turned to take a seat.
After she saw a big red “A” at the top, Elle flipped through the pages until she got to a paper she clearly hadn’t written with Nero’s name at the top of the paper. She quickly shut her eyes.
Elle took a deep breath and made sure her off switch was shut tight before she opened her eyes and started reading.
Nero’s paper began of him talking about his mother, of how much he had loved her and still did. He talked about how he had never been the same after her death. Elle stopped reading at the next sentence.
She bit her lip, and then she started reading once more.
At the beginning of the semester, when you asked who I loved the most, an image of my mother popped in my head. When you asked me who I loved the most for the second time, it wasn’t an image of my mother. Instead, it was replaced by an image of a strawberry blonde with big, blue eyes.
It took me a long time to figure out the exact moment I fell in love with her, partly because I denied that I did until it was too late.
I fucked up so badly and did so many things wrong, to the point of no return, so I let her go. The selfless part inside of me wants to say I did the right thing, and the selfish part of me thinks I made the biggest mistake of my life. I guess the selfless side won out because, every time I look at her and see what I did, I realize I don’t deserve her.
I was never supposed to fall in love with her, but that was the best mistake of my life. I will always love her; I have ever since I purposely bumped into her in the hallway.
Elle stared at the big red “A+” at the bottom of the paper. She closed her eyes and held the switch down perfectly in her mind. After a moment, Elle was able to open her eyes.
She stood and went back to Mr. Evans, putting the paper on his desk. Then, Elle went to walk away.
“You know, I stand in front of the classroom every day, and all I see is you with your nose in your books and your papers.”
Elle turned around. “Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”
“Yes, but you don’t get to see him.”
Elle looked down at the ground. “Why are you doing this?”
“I know you’ve had it pretty shitty in here, Elle. I’d hate to see it just as shitty out there.”
Elle looked back up at Mr. Evans and nodded. She headed out the classroom door and started walking to her next one.
She continued the day and couldn’t help picturing what Nero had written in her mind. The light switch in her head started to flicker, wanting to come on.
When the lunch bell rang, she knew she would have to see Nero, and seeing him right now was something she wasn’t going to be able to take until she had control. She wanted to think this out, sleep on it and decide if she wanted to go down that long, hard road again.
Yes.
No.
They got halfway to the cafeteria before Elle couldn’t go any farther. “I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Uh, Elle, are you sure?” Chloe asked her.
“Yes.” Elle and Chloe hadn’t gone to the bathroom at school in years. They would hold it in no matter what because the scariest place on Earth was the girls’ bathroom.
Elle practically ran in and went straight to the sinks. She ran the cold water and stuck her hands under.
Chloe stayed right by the door. “Are you okay?”