At first, he didn’t react. He just looked at me, shocked at having his own words thrown back at him. Then his eyes smiled, and it took a few seconds for the rest of him to catch up.
It felt good to laugh. And have Jack laugh with me. His real laugh was warm and deep, like something that had been unearthed on a sunlit day.
“Not just the cradle of Africa,” he said. “Quite possibly the cradle of mankind. One of the oldest pieces of evidence about mankind’s existence was found out there, in Oldupai Gorge.”
We stared into the space. It was dark now, and so vast that it seemed to stretch out forever.
“Zinjanthropus,” I said. “The Nutcracker Man.”
Jack tilted his head and assessed me. “You’re full of surprises, Rodel Emerson.”
“I’m a teacher.” I shrugged. “And you can call me Ro.”
He sipped his drink straight from the bottle. Coca-Cola by the crater. “I like Rodel,” he said. “I’ve never met a Rodel I didn’t like.”
“Is that a roundabout way of saying you like me?” We both knew he’d never met a Rodel before.
“I’m not a roundabout kind of person.” He put his bottle down and pinned his cat eyes on me. “I like you. I like that you stand your ground and see things through. I like that you can fall, dust yourself off, and get on with it. I like that you have this . . . this innate faith. That no matter how dark it is, you hold out for the light. I like sitting at this table with you, being called out on my own bullshit. I’m sorry if I was harsh earlier. I was pissed about Juma. With his parents for what they did. With the circumstances that go with it. With you for bringing me out here. With myself for not being able to do anything about it. I felt just as powerless as I did the day I lost Lily.”
I stared back, tongue-tied. Jack Warden was an ever-changing enigma. He complimented, apologized, and bared himself, all at once, with a directness and sincerity that left me speechless. My ticker-tape of emotions went haywire around him, regardless of whether he was happy, angry, sad, or contrite.
“I get it,” I replied. It was all I could manage. I hadn’t realized exactly what I’d been asking him to do, but it was clear why he’d shut me out the first time. The last thing Jack needed was someone banging down his door, asking him to shoulder the responsibility of another child’s life, when he believed he had failed his own. What man would willingly face the reality of his worst nightmare yet again?
We finished the rest of our food in silence.
A watchman with a rifle and a flashlight lead us to our tent. It was nothing like the average tent at a camping ground. It sat on large wooden pallets, with a high ceiling supported by wooden beams. There were two beds with small night stands, a trunk full of blankets, and a wardrobe rack to hang our clothes. A connecting door led to a sparse, but functional bathroom.
“Dinner is in an hour. Signal me with your flashlight when you want to be escorted to the dining room,” said the guard.
“I don’t think I can eat again,” I said, after he left.
“You might change your mind. It’s not like there’s a vending machine if you get hungry in the middle of the night.” Jack tossed his shoes off and reclined on the bed.
When they’d told us there was only one tent left, I hadn’t thought it would be a problem, but the small space seemed dwarfed by his presence.
“I think I’ll go freshen up.” I grabbed my handbag and disappeared into the bathroom.
I was out two minutes later and heading for the exit.
“What are you doing?” Jack watched as I tried to pry the zip open.
“The toilet won’t flush. I’m going to let them know.”
“You can’t just walk to the lounge, Rodel. This place isn’t fenced in, which means there are wild animals roaming around. And that’s not an automatic toilet. You need to pour water into the tank when you want to flush.”
“Ah. Got it.” I marched back into the bathroom and looked around. “Umm . . . Jack?”
“Yes?”
I startled to find him right behind me. “There’s no tap on the sink.”
“You get the water from here.” He lifted a flap and pointed to the row of buckets filled with water. He removed the lid off the toilet tank, poured water into it, and flushed.
If I had thought he took up all the space in the tent, I could barely breathe in the cramped bathroom. There was something about Jack that brushed against the boundaries of my awareness—the way he moved, the way his arms tightened when he lifted the bucket, the way he radiated heat and warmth. But that was just Jack. I was pretty sure it was the response he drew from most women—the chance gaze, followed by a pause; the appreciation of something magnificent, no matter how fleeting. I would have to be six feet under not to react to him. It wasn’t just about the way he looked. He had something more. Solidity. Substance. The kind of thing the moon does to the tides, making the waves rise to attention. Jack could give you goosebumps simply by circling past you. I shuddered to think what it would be like if he deliberately decided to slay you.
“Thank you,” I said, as he returned the empty bucket. “I think I’ll hop in the shower now.” I practically shoved him out the door. I liked goosebumps, but I liked them on my own terms. And this was not a goosebump-approved situation. With a goosebump-approved man.
I was halfway undressed when I realized there were no taps in the shower either. And no showerhead. Just a drain in the floor.