His smile when he talked about his family was a beautiful thing. She couldn’t help but smile with him, until his words sank in like dead weight. Who had Josh proudly sent pictures to? No one.
“Abby?”
“Hmm?”
“Why didn’t he know you were pregnant?”
Damn. She should have known Matt wasn’t the type to let something go. Of course at the time she’d said it she hadn’t expected to be sitting alone with him in her condo. Not that it would have mattered where they were. He had a strange effect on her, making her nervous while steadily drawing out her secrets.
And he was still waiting. It shouldn’t matter, but she hated for Matt, more than anyone, to know how little she’d been wanted.
“He died before I got a chance to tell him. That’s the short version, anyway,” she added, trying to make light of it.
“And the long version?”
Well, she’d opened that can of worms all by herself. But she could no more lie to him than she could have gotten up off that couch. And maybe a part of her wanted to tell someone. To tell Matt. So she settled next to him, close but not touching, and tried to focus on her answer instead of the man beside her.
“Josh was an attorney. His firm handled major corporate mergers, acquisitions, that kind of thing. I met him during an interior design internship at his office.” She’d been young and naïve, maybe a little too desperate to belong to someone. He’d been older, mature, and completely taken with her. Or so she’d thought.
“He worked for companies all over the world, so he traveled a lot. More than a lot.” She pulled a throw pillow into her lap and ran her fingers through the tangled fringe.
“At first I didn’t know what to expect.” She’d been twenty-one, just out of college, in love for the first time. “He worked long hours, but he was a new partner so…I didn’t think much about it.”
That wasn’t exactly true. She had thought about it. She’d moved to Raleigh with him a week after the wedding. Quit her new job and not even cared. She was married. She had a legal certificate saying someone couldn’t leave her.
But he could and he had, and then she’d been alone again. And not having someone you expected to be there had turned out to be worse than having no one.
“I got pregnant a few months after we married. I wanted to be a mother, have a family. I guess we didn’t know each other that well, or I didn’t know him. Not at first.”
Matt tensed beside her.
“It’s nothing terrible. He just…wasn’t there. Work, success, was important to him. Addictive, like a drug.”
He’d always had to do more, be more, to overcome the years of an abusive father he refused to end up like. Josh had his own demons, and she’d understood what a bad childhood could do to a person. Had hoped one day she’d be enough to make up for it all.
“I would’ve given up all the money, the big house, the new car, everything, for a night watching TV together. Or a simple moment sitting on the couch.” Like they were doing now.
“Anyway, by the time I saw what was happening, I had Jack. My life was full with the kids and…Josh always said it would get better. He promised. I believed him.” She let out a shaky breath and turned the ring on her finger. “By the time I had Gracie…I didn’t believe him anymore.”
But God knows with every tearful apology she’d wanted to. She’d listened to his empty words, pretending they meant something and that it was enough. Because it was still so much more than she’d ever had.
“By the time I had Charlie, I didn’t care anymore. So…” It hurt to admit, because she had still cared—maybe not that Josh didn’t want her but that no one did. So, she’d tried and hoped, and…then that last night together she’d been lonely and she’d hoped one more time.
Without looking at Matt, she stood to flee to the safety of the kitchen. She wasn’t fast enough. His hand shot out and encircled her wrist.
Intelligent brown eyes scanned hers, seeing way too much. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Seconds passed and she thought he might say more, but he released her, leaving a cold spot on her arm. She’d spent her life perfecting a mask to hide her pain, and she quickly pulled it on. “Let’s have cookies.” She walked toward the kitchen. “You must be some kind of interrogator,” she said, smiling over her shoulder, covering the raw edges her admission had left.
“Interrogation’s not really my job,” he said, sliding onto a stool at the counter while she poured two glasses of milk.
She set the cookies in front of him. “What is your job?”
“I’m in the navy.”
At her raised eyebrow and impatient look, he reluctantly added the rest.
“A SEAL.”
Of course he was. A hero. “Wow. I’ve seen and read enough to know how hard that is.” And she knew it was to be admired. Not just for the strength but the skill and intellect too.
He paused, his milk halfway to his mouth, like he was waiting for her to say more. She thought he looked pleased when she didn’t and he took a quick sip of milk.
“I also flip houses,” he said and stuffed an entire cookie into his mouth.
“Really? How do you do that? I mean being gone so much.” She took a bite of cookie.
“Being gone is kind of how it happened. My great-aunt passed away and left her tiny old house to the family. It was so dilapidated no one wanted to mess with it. I wasn’t home enough to make renting a house or even an apartment sensible, so I crashed there. When I was home, I worked on it just for something to do.”