“What are you doing?” I asked, standing up and getting ready to leave.
“Don’t go out with Sellers,” was all he said. I wanted that to mean more than it did. I wanted it to mean he didn’t want me with Sellers because . . . well, he wanted me with him. But I knew that was a fantasy I couldn’t allow myself to entertain.
“Do you not like Sellers?”
He shook his head no, but replied “I like Sellers just fine. I just don’t like Sellers with you.”
Asher’s words were giving food to my fantasy world and I knew reality would soon slap me in the face again.
“Why?”
He stood there staring at me for what seemed like an eternity, but probably no longer than a few moments. “Just meet me out at my truck. Is that okay with you? I need to shower and get my things first.”
I could have been strong here and said I was going with Sellers, even though I hadn’t been planning on doing that. Asher didn’t know that.
“I need to tell Sellers,” I said, instead.
His shoulders seemed to ease some, but not completely. He stood at a distance from me, his body wound, tense and alert. He just replied, “I’ll tell him.”
I wasn’t okay with that. “I should tell him,” I said.
Asher sighed. “Fine. You tell him. But do it now.”
Then he turned and headed for the door. There was no other explanation. Nothing. Not a word.
“Asher,” I called, needing something more from him. Any answer.
“Yeah?” he asked, looking back at me, but holding the door with one hand.
“Why?” That was all I could manage to say without showing him all I was feeling.
“I,” he paused, looking torn over what to say exactly. “Just . . . please . . . Dix.”
Somehow, that was all I needed to hear at that moment. I didn’t need anything more.
“Okay,” I whispered.
He smiled at me with relief in his eyes, then opened the door and left. Alone in the library again, the smell of books returned to my senses and the silence became almost deafening. But now those things would forever hold a memory for me. One I’d never forget. It may not mean much, but I couldn’t stop a small smile.
I slipped my books back into my bag, placing Sellers’ speech in my pocket. I wouldn’t be needing it. I was going to be honest with him and tell him the truth, one that had suddenly changed in the last few minutes.
There was a parking lot between the school and the field house. I spotted Sellers walking my way. He was already showered and dressed, in a pair of jeans and a football tee shirt, his hair still damp, but styled in that messy way he always wore. I knew that being honest with him was the best thing to do, but I still felt bad about it.
“You ready?” he asked while grinning.
“Uh, about that, thank you for the invite. It was very nice and any other time I would have enjoyed going. But Asher . . . he’s . . . ah . . . asked me to go with him. I’ve wanted that for a very long time. It wouldn’t be right to go with you when my mind would be stuck on Asher.”
I felt like I stumbled on my explanation. Did it even make sense to anyone but me?
Sellers gave me a crooked grin. “So that’s where he went so quickly after practice.”
“Again, thank you, and I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay, Dixie. I get it.”
“Thanks,” I repeated, quickly turning and walking away, eager to leave this awkward conversation. I hurried toward Asher’s truck.
“You’re welcome,” Sellers called out.
I turned back, confused as to what he was saying. Sellers chuckled, gave a small shake of his head before he walked away himself. Had he known Asher would do this? Was that why he asked me to go out with him to begin with? And if so, why would he do that?
I stopped at Asher’s truck and although it was unlocked, I didn’t get inside. I waited. Just as I turned back to see if he was coming, I saw him headed toward me. Like before, he looked determined. His eyes locked on me. My cheeks heated up, again, the intensity of his eyes overwhelming me with trepidation. My body felt warm and I knew I was forgetting to breathe from the short rapid gasps coming from my mouth. I didn’t know how to control my reaction to him.
When he got to me, I expected him to stop and open the door for me. Instead, the bag he carried in his hands dropped to the ground, his body crowding mine, as he pressed me up against his truck. Both his hands cupped my face before Asher Sutton’s lips met mine. Hard yet soft, demanding yet tender, Asher tasted me like I was his last meal, and I was sure if he hadn’t moved his hands to my hips and jerked me closer to him, I would have slid to the ground and blacked out. My legs were weak and my body trembled. Nothing had prepared me for this. Nothing had ever been this life altering. I felt like I was hit by a lightning.
And my world would never be the same after that.
Asher Sutton
MY BEDROOM REMAINED the same. It had once been the attic, but when I turned thirteen and got tired of sharing a bedroom with both Brent and Bray, I made a deal with Momma. If I cleaned out the attic and turned it into a bedroom, she would get me a window unit so I would have air in the summer when needed. For warmth, I ran a cheap ceramic heater.
It took a month, but when I had it all cleaned up, Momma kept her word. The other boys complained that I got my own room, but she reminded them I was the oldest.
When I’d moved out, no one tried to take it. I’d expected the twins to fight over it, but surprisingly they didn’t. It was then that guilt tugged at me. Was it because they all hoped I would come back home?
I threw my duffel bag on the floor and sank down onto my bed. I missed home. I loved it here. I loved having my brothers around me, working the same land my father had worked. This was my life, or it had been, until the day it all came crashing down and changed everything forever.
I took the secret with me, but I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret any longer. Steel had to know. His heart would be broken for a while, but mine had been shattered beyond repair. Steel would survive this, he’d move on eventually. I had to believe that.
The nagging thought that Dixie had so easily fallen in love with someone else was driving me crazy. Just because I couldn’t fill the void she’d left in my life didn’t mean she shouldn’t move on either. I wanted Dixie to be happy and knowing I was going to hurt her again, only made what I had to do even worse.
Heavy footsteps told me I had company. I was expecting Steel. I knew when I walked out of Jack’s that he’d follow me home. Yes, I’d gotten jealous when he’d called Dixie “baby,” but that wasn’t why I’d left. The real reason was so fucked up that it hammered in my head and I knew I had to tell him. I couldn’t sit back and watch this again. He had to know now.
Lifting my gaze from the floor, I met Steel’s concerned yet determined expression. He was here to fight for her. To make sure I didn’t ruin his chance with her. I had to tell him.
“I love her,” my younger brother said, breaking the silence around us.
“She’s easy to love,” I replied.
Steel’s lips tightened. He didn’t want to feel as if he had to compete with me. “You crushed her and then you left her. Now she’s mine, Asher, mine. I’ll fight for her if you make me.”
I stood and watched as Steel tensed up. Did he think I would hurt him? I’d protected him and beat the shit out of more than one bully over the years. He was my brother. I wanted him to be happy. Had letting Steel have Dixie been our only problem, I would have walked away and let them be happy. But that was not the problem, as much as I wished it were.
Walking over to a corner of the attic, I moved a loose board from the floor and bent down to retrieve an old shoe box. My world ended the day I discovered it three long years ago. Every good memory I’d had in my life up to that point had been centered around my Dixie. The contents of that box had taken all that away, ruining the memories, and leaving me a broken man.
I dusted it off because it hadn’t been touched since the day I found it while moving some furniture around so that the bed wouldn’t hit the squeaky board directly over the living room. I’d been making plans to sneak Dixie up here that weekend, but that never happened.