“You didn’t change at home?” I asked.
“I’m channeling my inner dancer.” Elise grabbed my hand and spun me toward her.
“I like your inner dancer,” I said.
“As you should.” She let me go and her eyes zeroed in on the college packet that sat on the table. “Whose acceptance letter?”
“Mine,” Blaire said. “I got into San Diego State!”
“Nice! Congrats.” Elise looked from Blaire to me and then back again. “You weren’t going to tell me?”
“Of course I was,” Blaire said. “I was distracted by your tutu.”
She shook her head. “Just because I don’t have all your brains doesn’t mean I’m a crappy, jealous friend. Tell me things like this.”
“We will,” Blaire said. “Promise.”
“Ditto,” I said. I picked up the bag of pretzels and handed them to Elise. “I brought you a snack.”
“Thanks!” Elise said. “My favorite.”
I went to the cupboard in Blaire’s kitchen and retrieved three glasses. “Speaking of snacks, what kind of candy does Boyfriend like? I need to know for my party tomorrow.”
“Colton. His name is Colton,” Elise huffed.
“His name is Colton?” Blaire asked. “Huh.”
I knew she was kidding but Elise still scowled in her direction. Then she turned to me and said, “I’m not sure. I just started dating him a couple weeks ago.”
“Find out and text me.” I poured Mountain Dew into our cups and took a swig of mine right away. I needed caffeine. It had already been a long day and we had at least three hours of studying ahead of us.
“I don’t think you can call something a party when only three people are invited,” Elise said as if she’d been thinking about this fact since our talk earlier today.
“I actually invited four, but Seth couldn’t come.”
“Zoo Seth?” Elise asked.
“Yes, but don’t call him that if you ever meet him.”
She laughed. “I’m sad he can’t come. I wanted to finally meet the infamous Seth.”
“Infamous? I wouldn’t call him infamous.”
“What would you call him?” Elise asked.
I looked up in thought. “Talked-about-on-occasion.”
She nodded. “Okay, I wanted to meet the talked-about-on-occasion Zoo Seth.”
“Yes, it would’ve been fun. He’s fun. But whatever. No Zoo Seth.”
“We are talking entirely too much about boys for a study session,” Blaire said from her spot at the table.
“Yes, you’re right,” I said with a sigh, sitting down beside her and reaching for my Reese’s Pieces. “Let’s get to work.”
I opened my front door quietly. The house was still and dark, and I took a moment to appreciate it. It was rarely quiet in my home.
Before heading to my room, I stopped by the kitchen, flipped on a light, and looked through a stack of mail by the phone. There was nothing for me. I searched the drawers, but they were only full of odds and ends—batteries, pens, paper clips, pushpins, and a variety of other things that didn’t include a letter from San Diego State. Blaire had gotten her letter today. Did that mean I hadn’t gotten in? Maybe my mom had put the letter in my room.
A blue glowing light from the den caught my eye so I followed it. My brother sat on the couch watching some late-night television.
“Hey, Beau,” I said. “Do you know if there was any mail for me today?”
“Not sure.” He glanced at his phone. “Are you sneaking in late?”
“I’m not late, I just didn’t want to wake anyone.”
“Big night?” He looked at my outfit like Maxine at the corner mart had, with mild disdain.
“Studying with friends.”
He shook his head. “Only my sister would sneak in after a study session.”
“Why are you still up?”
“Can’t sleep.” He probably couldn’t sleep because he’d slept all day. “It’s not like I have anything to do tomorrow.”
“Are you regretting taking a semester off college?”
“No. I’m regretting not being able to find a job to pay for my next semester of college.”
“You should come to the zoo with me next week.”
“You’re in charge of giving people jobs now?”
“No, but they have a volunteer program you could sign up for. And if they like you, it could transition into a job.”
“Pass.”
“Come on. It’s actually really fun. I think you’d like it. The animals don’t try to talk to you or anything.”
He met my eyes with a tired stare. I didn’t like seeing him so down. I was used to my loud and fun brother. The one who hung out with his friends and always had something going on. This new version of him worried me.
“No, Maddie. That’s your thing.”
“You need to find a thing.”
He pointed to the television. “I found it.”
“A real thing. Not one where you sleep all day and sit in the dark all night.”
“Why don’t you work on saving animals, not people? You’re better at it.” Beau used his hand to shoo me away, turning his attention back to the television.
I sighed and headed into my room. After a thorough search, I found no San Diego State packet. I changed into my pajamas and fell into bed, determined not to think about college again tonight.
I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t stop analyzing the probability of whether San Diego State sent out their packets in waves or all at once. It was now 1:45 a.m. Years ago my mom used to come into my room at this exact minute and whisper “Happy birthday” in my ear. My gaze went toward the door, as if my thinking about it would bring her here now. It didn’t. There were a lot of things my mom used to do.
I shook my head. I’d already mentally chastised my brother tonight for being mopey. I wasn’t about to join him. Besides, I was eighteen now. I didn’t need childish traditions. “Happy birthday to me,” I said to myself with a smile.
I opened my eyes and stretched. Saturday morning. I was tempted to roll back over and sleep for another hour. Today of all days, I had the right to be lazy. But then my mind started running through the list of everything I had to do. I needed to shop for the party, and clean the living room where we’d hang out later, and shower.
I left my bedroom and heard my parents before I saw them.
Dad said, “Maybe if you had put it away when you were done, you’d know where it was.”
“Craig, all you had to say was no. No, you don’t know where it is. Do you have to turn everything into an insult?”
“I was just pointing out that I was the only one who cleaned around here.”
“Then why don’t you know where it is?” she asked.
“Are you serious?”
I stepped into the kitchen. “Good morning,” I said, even though it obviously wasn’t. But it was the same as most mornings, so at least it wasn’t worse than normal. And that was good … sort of.
My parents hadn’t always fought. The fighting started after my dad lost his job three years ago. He had yet to find a new one. I’d once heard money issues were the number one cause of divorce. I hoped that wasn’t true. I hoped that once my dad found a job and my mom didn’t have to work overtime and double shifts to cover our cost of living that everything would be fixed. In the meantime, we just had to make it through this rough patch.
“What are you looking for, Mom? Maybe I put it away,” I said.
“That can’t be true because your dad is the only one who ever puts things away.”
My dad let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t be … ” He glanced my way. “Mean. Don’t be mean. Just look for your stupid ID.”
“Have either of you seen any college mail for me?” I asked, trying to turn their attention to something different.
“I thought I saw something the other day.” Dad leafed through the stack by the phone. “I hope it didn’t get thrown out with the ads.”