My heart stopped. The malfunctioning thing actually stopped. I didn’t say a word until it restarted. “If I wasn’t getting enough oxygen, that means the baby wasn’t—”
Jesse’s head shook. “We made it here in time. Barely, but we made it. You and the baby are both safe. Healthy.”
I didn’t miss the subtle edge in his voice that suggested For now. That was when I felt it. The guilt. If I hadn’t already been lying down, it would have knocked me over. I’d been feeling weird all day. I’d been feeling really weird all night. I’d written it off to indigestion and normal pregnancy woes so as not to freak my already freaked-out husband out even more and avoid him rushing me to the emergency room. Turned out, the emergency room was exactly what I needed. God, if we hadn’t gotten there in time . . . if I had kept playing off that I was fine . . . if Garth hadn’t driven so fast . . . if Jesse hadn’t been so keyed in to my every move . . .
All of those dot, dot, dots led to the same place.
“Thank you,” I whispered, telling myself I wouldn’t cry. This time, I would come out the victor in my battle against hormones. I lost. Again. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.” My hand skimmed up my stomach. “For taking such good care of us.”
Some of the creases on his face softened, but they didn’t disappear. They never disappeared completely anymore. “It’s my job to take care of my family.” His hand moved up my face, combing the hair back from my face. “I take that job seriously.”
I was able to find a smile. “You take that job beyond seriously.” Before he could open his mouth to defend himself, I added, “And I love that about you.”
Something close to a laugh came from him. When he relaxed into the chair beside my bed, he fell into it like he hadn’t slept for weeks. I knew for a fact the truth wasn’t far from that. “Indigestion?”
I bit the inside of my cheek. “Apparently early labor and severe indigestion feel shockingly alike. Good to know, just in case, you know, this happens again . . .” This had better not happen again. I didn’t think Jesse could take it. I wasn’t sure if I could.
“Are you going to stop giving me the tough person routine now? Will you actually admit when you’re not feeling good or something doesn’t feel right?” His voice was soft, but his words hit me in the opposite way.
“I will never stop playing the tough person routine because that’s what’s gotten me through the hard parts in life and will continue to get me though them.” My voice filled the room, and I found myself wondering if I was saying it more for my benefit or his. “The only way I’ll make it through the next three months is by holding on to that tough grittiness you’re obviously not a fan of.” Just like that, I saw hurt bleed into his face. It was so easy to wound those we love most because they took their armor off around us. “I’m tough. That’s who I am. Please don’t ask me to be a lesser version of myself. I’d never ask you to do the same.”
I watched him fumble to find the right words. I waited as his mind raced through what to say next. Finally, his face lowered to mine. Instead of answering with words, he answered with a kiss. And then another.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he said before kissing me one last time.
My flash of anger was extinguished as suddenly as if a water tower had just been dumped over it. “You’re right too though. I’m also sorry.” I wound my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him back to me until our foreheads touched. “I promise I will speak up when I’m not feeling right or something’s bothering me. I can do that. I just don’t think I can make it through this if I let myself get softer now. I need all of that crazy rough and tough thing you fell in love with now more than ever.”
His eyes closed. Like that, he almost looked like the peaceful Jesse I remembered. The one I missed. “I know.” His forehead creased against mine. “It’s okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”
We stayed like that for an eternity. Or for a fleeting moment. Time got lost when we were like that because it just didn’t matter. It became inconsequential.
Of course that would be when a certain person’s voice echoed down the hospital hallway and interrupted our quiet moment.
“This place is a goddamned fucking circus!”
Jesse exhaled. I groaned.
“First they won’t tell us anything in that joke of an emergency room, and now they won’t tell us where they’ve moved her! I’ll just keep searching each and every room on each and every floor of this hick hospital until I find them!”
I could make out Josie’s voice in the background but not any of her specific words. Unlike her fiancé, she knew proper hospital etiquette wasn’t screaming profanities and insults down the halls.
“You better go grab him before he gets himself into trouble,” I said as Jesse stood.
“I guarantee he’s already in trouble,” Jesse said as he moved for the door.
“Okay, then before he gets hauled off in cuffs and spends the night of his engagement party curled up on a concrete slab beside a guy named Bubba.”
He paused in the doorway. “For no other reason than I’d pay good money to see Garth in that kind of situation, I’m tempted to let him keep screaming his lungs out.” When I gave him a disapproving look, Jesse raised his hands. “But since he’s the reason we made it here in record-setting time, I’ll save him from tallying up another mark on his record. Be right back.”