Josie huffed and waved her hand at him. “Because Jesse doesn’t brood. He doesn’t stand cross-armed and straight-faced on the sidelines when there’s a dance floor in front of him. Jesse has never done that whole angsty, moody guy thing like he has been lately. Something’s gotten under his skin.” Her own eyes narrowed as fangirl number one made a double pass on Jesse’s bicep. “Or someone.”
I couldn’t agree or disagree with her for fear of Josie seeing right through me. I wasn’t sure how she’d take it if she knew Jesse and I’d had a few hot and heavy mouth-mashes. I didn’t want to chance an impromptu cat fight if she didn’t take it so well.
So what did I go with instead?
“What happened to you and Jesse? Why did you guys break up?” No points for steering the conversation into shallower water.
Josie sighed and looked away from him. Like it had suddenly become painful to look at him. “Cheating.”
“What?” I twisted in my seat and scooted closer. “He slept with somebody else?” The idea was . . . earth shattering.
“No.” Josie whipped her head from side to side. “I did.”
“What?” I repeated, stunned. The idea was, again, earth shattering.
A tear looked close to spilling from the corner of Josie’s eye, so I grabbed one of her hands and gave it a squeeze. She looked like she needed it.
“You don’t have to say anything else. I’m sorry I asked. I just . . . I never guessed that was what happened.” Cheating had never crossed my mind when I’d wondered at the reasons for their break up.
“Jesse was leaving town for the weekend,” she began, shifting in her seat. “He was going to some cattleman’s conference in Missoula the same weekend of my brother’s twenty-first birthday party. Jesse was sorry he couldn’t make it, but he asked one of his good friends to keep a close eye on me and make sure I didn’t get into too much trouble.” Josie paused and bit her lip. She was worrying the hell out of the hem of her denim skirt. The poor girl was a wreck. “I had a lot to drink that night, more than usual, but I knew Jesse’s friend would make sure I didn’t pass out on the bathroom floor or go home with some random guy.” The first tear fell down her cheek. I felt so badly for Josie I wanted to hug her. “Turns out I just went home with him instead.” She wiped her eyes and let her hair fall around her face. “When I woke up the next morning, I knew I’d ruined everything I had with Jesse. I couldn’t lie to him about what had happened, but I couldn’t find the courage to tell him either. So,” Josie’s head fell even more, “his friend told him.”
I wasn’t only hurting for Josie, but I was hurting for Jesse, too. He’d been betrayed by someone who loved him. I knew how that kind of pain felt. I knew how it left a scar behind. I knew how it changed a person.
“Oh, God, Josie,” I breathed, letting her squeeze the hell out of my hand. I couldn’t believe that there, at a honky tonk, I’d just had a girl pour her heart out to me about how she’d ripped out the heart of the man I cared for. It made the world seem very small. “Who was it? Which friend of Jesse’s?” I’d only met a handful, most were ranch hands, but I wanted a name. The next time I saw him, he was getting hot coffee poured into his lap.
Her eyes flicked to mine, and I knew her answer before she said it. “Garth Black.”
“Come again?” That was all I had. Garth Black and Josie Gibson. Getting it on. It just didn’t equate.
“I had sex with Garth Black and have regretted it every single day since.”
“And you lost Jesse.” That was what I’d mourn the most.
She nodded, her eyes automatically drifting back to him.
“Do you miss him?”
Another nod, but that time she made herself look away from Jesse. “Every night when I find myself still anticipating his call to say goodnight. Every time I go to one of these things and I realize I’m not going with a date. God, Rowen. I miss him when I brush my teeth.” Her gaze shifted from her lap to my eyes. They held a strength that hadn’t been there just moments before. “But I know Jesse and I will never be together again. There’s too much bad history between us now. So I can either spend the rest of my life missing him . . . or I can move on.”
“Move on?” From Jesse Walker? I edited out because if she knew how to “move on” from him, mountains could be moved and pigs could fly.
“Maybe not today. Or tomorrow. But someday,” she said. “I’m not going to waste my life longing for the guy-that-almost-was. I’m going to move on and find the guy-to-be.”
I knew she made it sound about a thousand times easier than it was, but for a young woman who’d lost a Jesse because she’d slept with a Garth, she had a good head on her shoulders.
“Okay, you don’t only give out life-changing moxie compliments, you also might be the most intelligent woman I’ve ever met,” I said, still dumbfounded. “You are officially my hero.”
Josie laughed, wiped the corners of her eyes one more time, and sat up straight. “Well, sometimes the lessons you learn remind you that you have to let your head run the show instead of your heart.”
And sometimes the opposite was true, as I was learning.
“I’m going to run outside for a few minutes and get some fresh air. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry tonight, and look at me.” Josie waved her hands at her face. She still looked pretty damn perfect. “You going to be all right on your own for a few?”