“Can’t you just make up a reason why he couldn’t be there?”
“That was my next plan, but Elyse told everyone about him and now I feel like I have to show up with someone or they’ll all know I lied.” Defeated, I slouched on my barstool. “Does Quinn know any hot, single guys with blond hair and blue eyes?”
“Hmm. I don’t think so. I’d have introduced you to him already.”
“Actually, I don’t even care if he’s single. I’m desperate. It’s just for one night, and I swear I won’t touch him. I don’t even care if he’s straight. Your brother have any cute gay friends I can borrow?”
“Wow, you are getting desperate.” Jaime started to giggle. “Want to borrow Quinn? He’s got blondish hair and blue eyes.”
I gasped. “Jaime, that’s genius!” For a second, all my problems were solved—and then I remembered why it wouldn’t work. “Oh, wait. Elyse met Quinn at my birthday dinner a couple years ago. Right when you first started dating, remember?”
“Oh yeah, the dinner that he invited himself to and pretended we were a couple.” Jaime laughed at the memory. “I wanted to kill him that night.”
“I know.” To the rest of us at the table it had been so obvious how good Quinn and Jaime could be together and how nuts he was about her, but she’d fought him every step of the way. Then there was Margot, who’d met her fiancé, Jack, when she was hired to do some marketing work for his farm—they couldn’t stand each other at first, but fell head over heels within a week. I was happy for all involved, I really was, but I had to wonder what I was doing wrong that I couldn’t find love when it seemed to fall from the sky for everyone close to me. I signaled the bartender for another glass of wine. “Why does this have to be so difficult? Am I trying too hard? Am I too picky? Is it my hair?”
“Your hair?”
Nervously, I gathered my long, dirty blond curls over one shoulder. I’d recently gone back to my natural color. “Yeah, does it wash me out? Do I look too pale? Too blah?”
She rolled her eyes. “Now you’re just being crazy. It’s not your hair. And I love you blond. Reminds me of when we were kids.”
My second glass of wine arrived and I took a big sip. “God, why can’t you just rent a boyfriend for a night like you can rent a movie?”
Jaime grinned over the rim of her martini glass. “Boyfriend On Demand?”
“Exactly!” I snapped my fingers. “You could just scroll through, pick the one that looks good, and he’s all yours for twenty-four hours. I’d even pay more for HD.”
“Huge Dick?”
I laughed. “Yeah.”
“Actually, I think you can rent a boyfriend. I read about it somewhere—it’s really popular in Japan.”
“Are you serious?” I sat up taller. “Do they have it here?”
She shrugged. “Maybe. But I don’t know how safe it is.”
“What’s it called? Do you remember?”
“No.” Jaime shrank back and looked at me like I was crazy. “You can’t seriously be considering hiring a strange man to be your date, Claire. You’re not that desperate.”
“I guess I’m not,” I said.
But my ears were tingling.
Two
Claire
* * *
Two days later, I still didn’t have a date, and I decided to google it. (I’d like to mention that this was after drinking almost an entire bottle of wine while watching back-to-back holiday romances on the Hallmark Channel. I cannot be held responsible for my behavior after such an evening.) While the credits were still rolling on the second movie, I poured the last of the bottle into my glass and opened my laptop. I typed “rent a date” into the search box, took a sip for courage, and clicked.
I was immediately bombarded with tits and ass pics. Realizing my mistake, I specified I was looking for male companionship, hoped my eyeballs wouldn’t be assaulted with dick pics, and clicked again.
A bunch of sites came up, and the top result was called Hotties4Hire.com. After glancing over my shoulder as if I was scared of being caught (which was ridiculous, since I lived alone) and a big gulp of chianti, I opened the link.
Need a date for a special occasion but don’t have time to find one?
Tired of all the questions about why you’re still single?
Want a platonic companion for a limited time who will pretend to adore you?
Look no further.
Hire a hottie has a man for you!
I perked right up. It was like the site was made for me! The guys looked attractive and not too serial-killery, and there were plenty of testimonials from satisfied customers.
“Hotties for Hire was exactly what I needed to get through the company Christmas party! Ron was a true gentleman, and so hot!”
“I can’t say enough good things about Shemar! He was polite, attractive, and completely attentive all night!”
“Everyone was jealous of my Hottie at the wedding, and my ex almost fell over! I felt amazing all night long!”
The site was run by women, and they had Hotties in twenty-two states, Michigan included. THIS IS NOT A DATING SITE, they claimed. “If you’re looking for a committed relationship or sex, this site is not for you, but if all you need is a fantastic evening with someone safe, friendly, and best of all, HOT, then we can help!”
Yes! Help me, Hotties!