“Wouldn’t know. Never had normal. But my guess is, normal is probably really fucking boring,” he answered.
That was a good answer because I wasn’t sure I had it in me to be normal. I’d also obviously never experienced it. But my guess, too, was normal was probably mind-numbingly boring.
I used my thumb to trace the beautiful column of his throat, saying softly, “Good you had that talk with your dad.”
“Yeah,” he replied softly, his blue eyes warm, but I could see it there. Actually, I saw it the minute he got home that night.
Something was missing, but something else had replaced it. And what was gone was bad, but what was in its place was not.
Now I knew what all that meant, what I saw in his eyes.
Relief and maybe even a little bit of contentment.
Like everything, Merry wore it well.
“Maybe good your dad had that talk with you too,” I suggested.
His fingers at my hip stopped moving and curled tight. “Not sure he’s ever gonna let go of the guilt, brown eyes.” He kept hold of my hip and my gaze. “But I am sure I now get why he won’t.”
My thumb stilled on his throat.
Was he saying…?
“Merry,” I whispered.
“He loved her. He lost her. He misses her. He took risks that meant the end of her life. He didn’t end it, and I think in some part of his head he gets that’s not his fault. But he couldn’t hold on to her as tight as he’s still holdin’ if he ever let that go. And I get that. I get that love he has for her. I get that need to hold on. I get it now.”
He got it now, holding me, staring at me.
Holy fuck.
“But yeah,” he kept going. “Even with that, you’re right. It was good for him we had that talk too.”
I didn’t push the other part, the part that made my heart pump fast, doing that shit still making it feel lighter.
I told him something I knew for certain.
“No matter how many years pass, it means something to a parent when their child needs them. At first, kids need you so much, all you want them to do is grow up so they can do things for themselves. Then you learn. You learn you should have savored every time they reached for you or called your name.”
Merry was still staring at me, but the look in his eyes had changed. There was a sweetness there that I liked a lot but had never seen.
Oh yeah.
If this worked, I was totally going to be able to talk him into kids.
Me, being me, not perfect but wanting to give Merry everything he needed, I didn’t push that.
But I did keep talking.
“You quit needing your dad in any real way a long time ago, honey. So I know for certain you going to him about something important meant everything to him.”
When I finished, his look turned darker but warmer, just as his arm tightened around my waist and pulled me up so our faces were closer.
“Ethan was pretty jazzed about that test and you pullin’ out the pistachio ice cream sundaes to wash away green bean residue,” he surprisingly remarked, considering I thought his look and movements were leading somewhere else. “Thinkin’ he’s out, but his sleep may be light.” He tipped his head on the pillow and the look that hit his eyes I felt in my womb. “Early morning date for the bathroom?”
Okay, so he was going where I thought he was leading.
It would just happen hours from now.
I forced my other arm from between us, shoving it around him so I could get closer, and replied, “Oh yeah.”
His hand in my hair twisted gently.
“Liked comin’ home to you and your boy, Cherie.”
Oh God.
God, God, God.
I liked that.
“Liked you doin’ it, Merry.”
And I did.
It was a dream come true, nearly literally, except in the dream I’d had, we were at my place.
But I had a feeling I was going to get that dream too.
“We’ll get you and your boy home tomorrow. But let’s set that up to happen more often, sweetheart,” he suggested.
Oh yeah.
I was going to get that dream too.
“Okay,” I agreed readily.
“Now, give me some gooey and we’ll get some shut-eye so I can wake you up early and fuck you.”
I melted into him and gave him the gooey. It turned into a mini make-out session, but neither of us pushed it far because my boy was probably sleeping lightly down the hall.
Merry turned out the light, I got under the covers, and we curled into each other, safe in his bed in the dark in his crappy condo.
But even if you’d offered me the world as a choice, I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.
* * * * *
Early Friday Morning
I bit the flesh of Merry’s shoulder when I came.
His deep groan sounded against the skin beneath my ear, driving down my neck, my chest, and right to my clit when he did.
Eventually, he dropped my leg that he was holding around his hip and I again felt the water hitting us.
Right. We were in the shower.
As my leg fell, he slid his cock out of me but kept his arms around me.
I turned my head his way to say something cocky or smartass, just to see him smile.
I didn’t get it out.
Because, early morning fuck in the shower done, my man felt like kissing me.
So I let him.
* * * * *
I stared at Merry and my kid leaning in to the counter on either side of Merry’s bar. Ethan was up on a stool on the outside; Merry was on his feet in the kitchen. Both were bent over their bowls, shoveling bright yellow, egg-cracker goo in their mouths.