Jack doesn’t know. When I finished “proofing,” I’d put all the papers in a pretty binding and Jack would turn those in.
If he found out, he would kill me. He would absolutely murder me and leave my body out for the crows. I hate my parents, and worse, I hate myself for agreeing to the masquerade. Please let him have a breakout season.
“You know I don’t care. I want to know. I’d prefer to hear it from you than from someone in the locker room.”
“I thought you guys had a no girlfriends, wives, or sisters rule in the locker room.”
Jack scoffs. “That rule is fucked constantly. Back at Wyoming, one girl dated three of the players. If the players go there, then they have to chill out about the repercussions, and they did. It’s not ideal, but shit like that happens. If you were interested in Masters, I’d be okay.”
“How can you be?” I explode. “Don’t you remember what happened?”
“I remember that Travis Farrington was an asshole who threw away a chance at a state championship because he couldn’t get in your pants. That’s on him, not you.”
“Jack, you had to go to junior college for two years before you got your D1 scholarship!”
“So?”
“So!”
“Yeah, so? I went to the best juco in the nation. I played a shit ton of pro style, spread offense football. I racked up god-like numbers and got an offer from the best college program in the nation. Now, I’m a starting tight end for a team favored to at least make the playoffs, if not win it all outright. By my calculations, I should send Farrington a fucking gift basket. I won’t because he’s a douchebag. Look, if you want to be with Masters, be with him. Don’t let this stupid football thing stop you. Shit, he plays on defense. He’s not in charge of who throws me the ball and when. Plus that guy wants to win more than anything. As long as I’m valuable on the field, I could fuck goats in the locker room.”
“Is that a quote? Because it sounds like something Masters would say.”
Jack smirks. “There’s nothing going on, but you know the types of things he’d say?”
My shoulders slump. “I don't know what’s going on. It’s complicated. I didn’t mean to dance with him or anything. He came out of nowhere and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” Jack’s face tightens, so I hurry and add, “Not like that. He didn’t force me. I just…” I spread my hands. “I have no explanation for it.”
“I do.” He squeezes my shoulders and his quiet support seeps into me. “You wanted to, and that’s enough. You don’t have to have a reason. I already told you the past doesn’t mean shit to me.” He releases me and then slings an arm around my shoulder, propelling me down the sidewalk toward my apartment. “You and me got a new start at junior college, and we can keep it going here. Only two more years, and Mom and Dad won’t have any say in our lives.” Jack toes the line for me, too. “Enjoy yourself here. If Masters is the guy you want, if he wants you to be his first,” Jack chuckles at this, “then you should go for it. Just don’t tell me any details.”
Oh, Jack. His kindness kills me. Every giving, unselfish word that comes out of his mouth drives the stake deeper into my guilty heart. It does exactly the opposite of what his motivational speech intends to. If anything, I need to stay away from Masters even more. “It’s more than Farrington.”
“Then what is it?”
Because you always look at everything in a positive light. Because it’s naïve to think that Farrington did something unusual. If Masters decided your team should turn against you, then the entire team would shut you out and it would get a hundred times worse. Because I’m cheating for you and I’m scared that if I get close to someone on the team, my secret will slip out and that can’t happen.
Those are all the reasons I can’t give voice to. So I settle for a response that I’m not sure that Jack will even buy but it’s the only one I have right now.
“I just want someone who’s not an athlete.”
Jack sighs. “If that’s how you want to play it. We drew the short end of the stick when it comes to parents, but I’ve always had the team. You’ve only had me. It wouldn’t be a bad thing to have another person on your side, Ellie. Besides, you could do a lot worse than Masters. He’s a good leader. Very chill in the locker room. Easy to talk to. He knows everyone’s names, even the redshirt freshmen.”
“You date him if he’s so wonderful,” I retort. I want to talk myself out of my stupid attraction to Masters, not develop it.
“He doesn’t swing that way,” Jack grins. “Plus, I don’t do virgins. Too clingy.”
“You’re a jerk, Jack.”
He laughs and ruffles my hair. I wish I could lean into him, but Jack is right. I’ve relied on him far too long. It’s time for me to make my own way.
13 Knox
I slept like a baby. After Ellie left, I went straight to bed. I wasn’t lying when I told her it was the best orgasm I’d ever had. In fact, I’m a little concerned that I won’t be able to come without her around, now that I know what it could feel like.
I suspect that jacking off is all I’ll be doing in the foreseeable future. She’s skittish, and if I rush too fast I might be on the ass end of a hit it and quit it if she ever did give in.
About two seconds after my orgasm ran through me like a freight train, her eager, captive expression turned to embarrassment and then apprehension. I’m not sure if she is more afraid of me or what she’s feeling but we’ve got plenty of time to work that through.