“Of course, Dad. Sorry.” She ran a fingernail down the arm of the chair, scoring the wood.
“No need to be sorry. We’re family, Julia. And if you ever need anything, I’m here.”
“Thank you.” She traced a finger across the wound she’d given the chair. “Does it bother you that we’ve changed things? Inside the house?”
Richard hesitated before answering.
“The bathroom needed to be renovated, and it was smart to add another on the main floor and in the master bedroom. Grace would have liked what you did with the kitchen. She begged me for granite countertops for years.”
Julia felt her heart clench.
“We kept a lot of things the same.”
“Please don’t worry. Grace would have helped you redecorate the house gladly, if she were here.”
“Are you comfortable in the guest room? I was wondering if you’d changed your mind about staying there.”
“It’s good of you to ask, but I’m not bothered by any of these things. It troubles me that Grace is gone and she isn’t coming back. I’m afraid that feeling will never go away.”
Richard focused on his wedding ring, a plain gold band.
“When I’m inside the house, sometimes, I swear I hear her voice or smell her perfume. I don’t feel her when I’m in Philadelphia. My condo has no memory of her.” He smiled to himself. “Our separation isn’t so bad when I’m here.”
“Is it painful?”
“Yes.”
Julia sat for a moment, as she thought about how she’d feel if she lost Gabriel. She’d be devastated.
The length of a human life was uncertain. One could get cancer, or die in a car accident, and in the blink of an eye a family would be torn apart.
From somewhere, Julia heard a little voice whisper, If you had a child with Gabriel, you’d always have a part of him.
The voice, more than the thought behind it, made her shiver.
Noticing her reaction, Richard stood up and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “Do you like living in Philadelphia?”
“My research position isn’t quite what I expected. I’ve been thinking about retiring.” He flicked the ashes into the ashtray. “I moved to be closer to Rachel and Scott, but I don’t see them much. They’re busy with their own lives. All my friends, including your father, are here.”
“Move back.”
“What’s that?” He turned in his chair to face her.
“Move back to Selinsgrove. Live here.”
“This is your home now, with my son.”
“We’re only here during vacations. We can switch bedrooms immediately and you can move your things back from Philadelphia.”
He raised his cigar to his lips. “It’s kind of you to offer, but I made my choice. I sold the house to Gabriel over a year ago.”
“He’d be happier knowing you were where you belong.”
Richard shook his head. “I’d never go back on my word.”
Julia wracked her brain for a persuasive strategy.
“It would be a mitzvah for us. And we need the blessing.”
Richard chuckled.
“That’s the kind of thing I used to say to Gabriel, on occasion, when he was being stubborn. What kind of blessing do you need?”
Julia’s expression shifted.
“I have an unanswered prayer.”
When she didn’t comment further, he inhaled from his cigar and exhaled the smoke.
“In my opinion, all prayers are answered eventually. Sometimes the answer is no. But I’ll certainly pray that you receive an answer. I can’t pretend that the thought of moving back doesn’t tempt me. But you’ve put so much time into making the house yours. You’ve furnished the downstairs, you’ve painted walls . . .”
“You mortgaged this house to pay Gabriel’s drug debts.”
Richard looked at her in surprise.
“He told you about that, did he?”
“Yes.”
“It was a long time ago. Gabriel paid us back.”
“All the more reason for him to open his home to you now.”
“A father would do anything for his child.” Richard’s expression was grave. “I didn’t care about the money. I was trying to save his life.”
“You did. You and Grace.” Julia looked around the yard. “As long as the house is in the family and we can be together for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it doesn’t matter who owns it. Or who lives here.”
She tightened the blanket around her as a whisper of a breeze blew across the porch, caressing her face. “Gabriel would never part with the orchard, though. He’s hired people to revitalize it. They’ve planted trees.”
“The old trees haven’t yielded a good crop in years. I’m afraid he’s a bit optimistic.”
Julia looked toward the woods, in the direction of the orchard. “Optimism is good for him.”
She turned to Richard.
“If you lived here, you could supervise the orchard. It would relieve Gabriel to know it’s in capable hands. You’d be helping us out.”
Richard was quiet for what seemed like an age. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. “Thank you.”
She squeezed his hand before leaving him to his cigar and his thoughts. As he closed his eyes, a feeling of hope washed over him.
After her guests retired for the evening, Julia sat on the edge of her whirlpool tub testing the temperature of the water. She was looking forward to a few moments of relaxation.