“Cami?”
Landon! Landon’s here. But he’s not supposed to be here. I frown and fight harder to open my eyes, but they’re fuzzy too.
I blink and turn my head, relieved to see that it’s Landon holding my hand. He looks tired, and his blue eyes are worried.
“Hi, baby,” he whispers, and kisses my cheek.
“Hi,” I reply¸ but my throat is dry. “Water.”
“Here.” He lifts a straw to my lips and I drink eagerly, so damn thirsty. I drain the glass and settle back against the bed again. “How do you feel?”
“Fuzzy,” I reply, my voice more normal, but weak. “Sore.” I frown when tears fill Landon’s eyes, and then it all comes back to me. All of the pain and the fear, and the doctor telling me that I’d have to lose the baby. Oh God, did they tell Landon? I grip his hand in mine and he leans toward me. “Did they tell you?”
He nods.
“I lost our baby,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.” Tears fill my eyes now and fall on my cheeks, but I don’t care. Our baby is gone. But Landon just folds me in his arms so I can bury my face in his shoulder, and gently hugs me, running his fingers through my hair and murmuring sweet words to me.
“It’s not your fault,” he says. “And I’m sorry too. I was excited for the baby too.”
I know, and I’ve disappointed you. I can’t bear it. I didn’t get the chance to feel it, or hold it, and we’d only known about it for a short time, but I was already so excited to meet him or her, and now we never will.
The tears come in earnest now, and I cling to him, sobbing against him. Finally, he pulls back and wipes my tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”
“There’s nothing you could have done,” I reply, and cup his cheek in my hand. His stubble scratches my palm, but I like it. “There wasn’t anything anyone could do.”
“I could have taken you to the hospital sooner,” he says gruffly. “I should have taken care of you.”
“I’m okay,” I reply, and pull him in for a sweet kiss. “I’m sad, but I’m going to be just fine. But I’m so very sorry that I lost our baby.”
“Sweetheart, we’ll have more babies. We’ll have as many as you want.”
Before I can answer him, there’s a knock on the door and a doctor walks into the room.
“It’s good to see you’re awake,” he says, and smiles kindly. “How is your pain?”
“I’m sore,” I reply, and flinch when I try to shift my hips.
“We’ll get you some more pain meds so you sleep through the night. You’ll be sore for a few days, but your recovery time should be fairly fast. You’re a healthy woman.”
“Before surgery, you told me you’d do your best to save the tube,” I say, and see Landon’s gaze whip up to the doctor’s. “Were you able to?”
The doctor sighs and shakes his head.
“I’m sorry, Cami. The damage was too great, and there was already infection setting in. I had to remove the tube.”
“Oh,” I breathe, and close my eyes. “So this means it’ll be more difficult to get pregnant later.”
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. “But it’s not impossible. Your uterus and the other tube are perfectly healthy.”
But I’ve stopped listening to him. Not only did I lose the baby, but now it’s going to be a challenge to get pregnant again. We can’t have as many babies as I want. We’ll be lucky to have any babies at all.
“Cami?” The doctor frowns when I look back up at him. “I’m going to order that medication for you. I think a good night’s sleep will do you good, and you’ll feel better tomorrow. You’re lucky that you came in when you did. If you’d waited longer . . . well, the outcome could have been very grave.”
“Thank you, Doctor,” Landon says, and shakes his hand, then sits next to me again. “Why did you wait so long to go?”
“I thought I was just not feeling well,” I reply shortly. I’m sad, but now I’m getting angry too. Why did this happen? Everything that I’ve ever wanted was in the palm of my hand, and in the span of a heartbeat, it was ripped away.
I need a few minutes alone. To gather my thoughts, to grieve for just a few minutes on my own.
“Landon, can you please go?”
“What?” he asks, surprised. My voice is calm. I’m not being mean or hurtful. Hurting him any more is the last thing I want.
“I just need to be alone for a little while.”
“Cami, I really don’t want to leave you by yourself.” The hurt in his eyes is killing me.
“I only want a few minutes of privacy. Please.”
But he stubbornly shakes his head.
“Maybe we should go somewhere when you’re feeling up to traveling,” he says, and I immediately close my eyes. “Somewhere warm,” he continues. “You can take a couple of weeks away from the restaurant and put your feet up. I’ll bring you cocktails and you can soak in some sun.”
“I don’t need to leave,” I whisper, and suddenly I’m just so fucking mad. At Landon. At the doctor. At Mia for not coming sooner.
At every fucking thing.
“Okay, well, you can take some time to stay home—”
“You know what,” I reply, and glare at Landon. “Maybe this was a blessing.”