“Yes!” Kat says, nodding. “Medium-sized is perfect. Not fun-sized. Why do they call it fun-sized, anyway? What’s fun about small pieces of chocolate? Or small cocks?”
“Or small dicks,” Cami adds, then laughs. “Oh, you just said that.”
“It’s worth saying twice,” Kat says. “Also, the last douche I dated? What was his name?”
“Craig?”
“Yes!” Kat exclaims, pointing at Cami. “Craig. He wouldn’t go down on me. What the fuck is up with men who won’t go down on a girl?”
I smirk, completely agreeing with Kat, and more than a little shocked. Jesus, girl talk is a hell of a lot more explicit than locker room talk. Who knew? This is fascinating.
“Right? Like, we’re supposed to suck them off like some kind of sucking Olympian, but they won’t return the favor?” Cami asks before drinking more wine. “It’s ludi-ridicu . . . It’s dumb.” I cover my mouth to keep from laughing at her stumbling over her tongue.
God, she’s fucking hilarious.
“So dumb,” Kat agrees. “Does Landon do it for you?”
Now my interest is very piqued. I wish we’d already made love so she could brag a bit. But then again, I’m not so sure how I feel about her sharing our intimate time together.
Which is a change for me. I don’t think it would have ever bothered me in the past.
“We haven’t done any of the sex stuff.” Cami takes a sip of wine, then bends over to touch up some paint, showing me her perfectly round, begging-to-be-kissed ass.
“None?” Kat looks down at her and frowns. “Like, at all?”
“We kiss sometimes,” Cami says. “Maybe he doesn’t want to do the sex.”
Oh, he wants to do the sex, sweetheart.
“He does,” Kat says, her voice confident. I nod.
“How do you know?”
“Because he’s a man. Trust me, he wants the sex.”
“I think he likes me,” Cami says.
Oh, I like you.
“I hope so. Otherwise I’ll have to remove his manhood,” Kat says, and they both giggle.
“Don’t do that,” Cami says right before snorting, which makes her laugh even harder. “I have plans for his manhood. I think he’d be really good at the sex stuff. Like, really, really good.”
“You know, if he doesn’t initiate sex, you should just drop to your knees and suck him.” Kat nods once. “Just go to town on him.”
Jesus. Just the thought has me rock hard. I need to interrupt this conversation, but just before I step forward, Cami says, “I thought about it. I might just attack him.”
“Yessssss!” Kat says. “Do it. Seriously.”
I clear my throat and walk toward the pantry like I just got here. If they keep talking like this, I’ll scoop Cami up and take her upstairs to rectify the no-sex-yet situation, and she’s way too drunk for that to be our first time.
“Hello, ladies.”
“You’re just in time!” Cami says with a smile and staggers to her feet, then gives me a big hug.
“I am?”
“Yep, lover boy,” Kat says, and lifts her bottle of wine. “We’ve painted the pantry.”
“Say that five times fast,” Cami says with a giggle. “Painted the pantry. Painted the pantry. Printed the pinto.”
“Ha! Printed the pinto.” Kat laughs.
“I like the color,” I reply, admiring the deep coral that looks happy and cheerful in the nice-sized pantry.
“Me too,” Cami says happily. “It’s pretty.”
“Your kitchen is a hot mess,” Kat says with a frown as she walks out of the pantry and throws her empty bottle of wine in the trash. “This is going to require a small army.”
“Or a box of matches,” Cami says. “I could burn it all down and start over.”
“But we just planted a pantry,” Kat replies, then snorts. “Boy, we’re drunk.”
“Drunk painting is good for the soul,” Cami says, smiling up at me. “You’re pretty.”
“Pretty?” I drag my fingertips down her cheek and she snuggles close to me. “I don’t think guys are supposed to be pretty.”
“But you are,” she says with a sigh. “With your dark lashes and thick hair and all your . . . prettiness.”
“She thinks you’re hot,” Kat says, and shrugs when Cami scowls at her. “What? You just told him he’s pretty. I’m translating.”
“Thank you,” I say, chuckling. “I’ll take you home, Kat.”
“I have my car.”
“And you’re way too drunk to drive. You don’t live far.”
“I’ll call an Uber,” she says, waving me off and pulling the app up on her phone. “No need for you to leave and come all the way back.”
“This was fun,” Cami says. “But we forgot to eat.”
“No wonder we got so drunk,” Kat says. “I knew we were forgetting something. According to this, my driver will be here in three minutes. I’ll go out and wait.”
“Thank you,” Cami says, and hugs Kat around the neck. “You’re pretty too.”
Kat snorts again. “You are drunk. You’re welcome. See you when I see you.”
“I’ll go wait with you,” I say as we walk to the front door. “It’s dark.”