He looked at me questioningly as he pulled into traffic.
"I found my mom," I said in answer.
Xander's eyes widened in shock as he glanced at me. "What? How? I . . ." He trailed off, shaking his head in wonder. "My God, Eden, and how? How did you survive? Holy shit," he repeated.
"I'll tell you all of it, Xander, when we get to my house. I think I need a couple shots or something."
Xander stared at me for a few seconds and then looked back to the road, letting out a small chuckle and shaking his head. "Yeah, you and me both."
"I can't believe I'm driving away from him right now," I said, almost to myself.
Xander gave me a look of sympathy. "I know it probably feels all kinds of wrong, but this show, Eden, it could be his big break. It's just three hours and it'll give you both a chance to get some equilibrium back."
I nodded, looking over at him and putting my hand on his shoulder. "I looked for you," I said quietly. "After Acadia . . . once I got to Cincinnati. I looked for Kristi, and for you. I was still looking for Kristi as of today." I breathed out, shaking my head.
Xander looked over at me shocked. "She left for college. Remember she was leaving—"
I nodded. "I know. I even got her last name from the ranger station once I finally got the nerve up to call. I thought the police might . . . I didn’t even know, but anyway, she was already gone obviously, but they gave me her last name. That's all they'd give me though. Smith. Her last name is Smith." I shook my head and Xander chuckled softly.
"Yeah, not the most uncommon name."
"No. Do you know how many Kristi Smiths there are in colleges all over the country? Some not even listed." I sighed. "I knew though, Xander, I knew she wouldn't leave you drifting alone through the world. I knew she must have helped you. I still wouldn't have ever stopped searching for you."
Xander looked over at me, his eyes filled with warmth. He looked back at the road and frowned. "I actually lost touch with her. We didn't have phones for so long and when we moved apartments, I couldn't find her number. I searched everywhere." He glanced at me with a look of regret. "You would have been out of luck even if you'd have found her. She wouldn't have known how to reach me."
"I'd have known that Calder was alive though," I said. "And I'd have known you were both in Cincinnati." I let the weight of that fall over me for a second and then glanced at Xander.
Xander reached over and grabbed my hand. "Thank you for looking for me."
"I was so worried about you," I said sadly. "I knew you had heard about Acadia and I could only imagine how you were feeling . . . and I thought you were mostly all alone out there."
Xander looked over at me sadly. "Only I wasn't."
I let out a small half-laugh, half-sob. "No, you weren't. Oh my God." Tears streaked down my cheeks and I swiped at them.
"He was supposed to meet me at the bus station on your birthday," Xander said quietly. "We had talked about taking a bus to Cincinnati on your eighteenth birthday. It was the only connection any of the three of us had to anywhere and we knew we needed to leave town. He probably didn't even have time to tell you that plan."
I shook my head, staring at his handsome profile, so familiar and yet still different - older, more manly. Xander kept staring straight ahead at the road where Molly's car traveled right in front of his truck. The rain continued to fall in sheets. It wasn't letting up.
"You guys never showed," Xander said, his jaw tensing and a look of pain washing over his features. "I went back the next day, too, and I sat there and waited for you. I thought maybe it had taken you a little extra time and I didn't want to miss you. But when I realized you hadn't been able to get out of there, I knew something had gone wrong. I just had no idea . . ." He shook his head slowly as if denying his own memories. When he looked over at me, there was anguish in his expression. "I waited for Kristi and she drove me out there the very next morning—I didn't know, I had no idea. I'm so sorry." His voice caught on the last word and his expression was filled with so much pain and regret.
"Xander," I said, reaching my hand out to him. He grasped my hand in his, squeezing it tightly. "None of us knew how crazy Hector had gotten." I shook my head. "You couldn't have known. And honestly, if you had shown up any earlier, you may have very well been among all those people. You showed up to save Calder. That's what matters now."
He looked at me again, so much agony in his expression. I could see in his eyes that he carried the weight of every "what if" scenario imaginable on his back. And no one's back was strong enough to withstand that type of weight. Xander had broken just a little bit. But Acadia had broken all of us in ways both big and small.
I had left him there. I couldn't even let myself go there in my mind. At least not right then.
"How?" I took a deep breath, "How did he survive?" I asked quietly, the last word coming out on a squeak and causing Xander to glance over at me worriedly before looking back at the road.
"The cell he was in. I know you'd never been in there, and I hadn't either, but Calder described it to me as a little cement box, solid. Some water flooded in, but there was a drain in the floor and that kept it low—thankfully—because he was mostly passed out. He doesn't remember much. And of course, he hates himself for that. There's not a lot Calder doesn't hate himself for."