"Idiot," I mumbled under my breath.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
"You did this!" she screamed at me. Her hands were raised, and she didn't look right. I gulped for breath. I couldn't breathe. My chest hurt, why did it hurt so much? But I couldn't tear my eyes away from her.
I whimpered, "Mom?"
She shook her head from side to side. She kept going, faster and faster, until she slid down the wall stopping in a huddle on the floor. She curled into a ball and rocked herself as her head kept shaking.
Oh god. I fell to my knees beside her. "Mom?" This wasn't right. I knew this wasn't right, but I didn't know what to do. "Please say something, mom."
Her hand twitched on her leg. Her head whipped up, and she hissed before she launched herself at me.
I jerked awake. My heart was pounding.
It was hot, too hot. I kicked at the covers so I could feel some cool air, and then I took deep breaths. I needed to calm down. My heart kept racing. It wouldn't stop. Easing to the edge of the bed, I pressed my forehead between my legs and gulped for more oxygen. My hands were clammy. My forehead was wet from sweat, the same sweat that I felt over the rest of my body.
Mason moaned next to me and I held still. I didn't want to wake him up. Slowly, inch by inch, I eased out of the bed but tripped as I reached for a robe on the couch. Catching myself before I fell all the way to the floor, I gritted my teeth and waited until my legs felt sturdier. I put on one of his sweatshirts and his sweatpants. Safe. I took another breath and felt my pulse slowing down. I felt better.
But I shook my head. I couldn't get her out of there. Flashes of my mother kept coming at me and I wanted to stop remembering that night. Even thinking about it made my heart start pounding again. I pressed a finger against my neck and felt my vein pulsating.
I was in a nightmare. She was always there now. Every time I closed my eyes, that night was there and I remembered the attack. I clenched my teeth together and clasped my eyes shut. I couldn't—I wouldn't. Not again.
Mason rolled over in bed. His hand started to reach for me, but he tucked it under his pillow. The sheet slipped down to his waist. His shoulders bulged as both of his arms were curled under his pillow. The movement set his shoulder blades out and his back tapered down to where the sheet had fallen, over his narrow waist.
I'd never get enough of him. I knew that, then and there, and a pang of guilt speared me.
He wasn't living with his dad because of me. I had come between them, and Mason would be gone after a semester. My stomach shook at that reminder so I focused on the year after. It'd be me and Logan, all alone.
It wasn't a viable option for Logan and me to live at Nate's for the next year. Mason wouldn't want that. I wouldn't even want that, so what then? And Helen? I knew she wouldn't accept this situation. I would bet money that she already had some plan concocted. She would want Logan to move back with her in L.A. or she would here and he would live in her house.
Not me. I was alone. Every scenario ended with me being alone.
No mother. No father, neither of them. Something wet fell on my cheek and I brushed it away. I was so stupid. Why was I crying? But I was. I huddled back in the chair and lifted my legs. Pressing them against my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and drew in a shuddering breath.
I had to make the situation better.
I had to fix things.
My stomach dropped. I knew what I had to do.
I grabbed my phone and texted her. Then I waited with my heart pounding, but it wasn't long. I got the response within a minute and it was settled.
With lead in my gut, I got up and slipped on some shoes, and then I turned and headed out the door.
When I stepped into the Kade foyer, everything was dark and my heart skipped a beat. Maybe she wasn't there? A part of me didn't want her to be there, but I heard her move and my heart skipped over another beat.
There she was. She was in a chair at the table. The moonlight filtered in through the large windows behind her.
She spoke first, as if nothing happened. "Hello, Samantha."
I scowled, but hid it in the next breath. "Hello."
"No mother? No Analise? What have we come to?"
I readied myself. "So bright and cheery, it's like you've never done a thing to hurt me or my family."
She sucked in her breath. "It was my family too."
"No, mom. Your family is yourself, maybe James since he hasn't left you. But I doubt that'll last. You'll do something to push him away. You'll cheat on him, kill his baby, attack him even."
"You watch your words." Her tone was stone cold. "Right now."
"Fine."
"Fine."
A moment of silence passed between us, but there was so much I wanted to say.
"So you called me for this meeting," she prompted me.
My heart went flat. I couldn't say what I wanted to say, not to her. She wouldn't listen. She would defend. She would attack. She'd never listen so I sighed in surrender. "I want you to agree that you'll stay away from me."
"If?"
"What?"
She leaned forward. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight, and I saw the rage in there again. It was contained now, for the moment. I wondered when it would come out again. Then she sighed from irritation. "You came to me. You want me to stay away from you. I'm guessing there's something that'll come after that. You want me to stay away from you if…if what? If you come back? If you move in with David? What's the if? What do you want, darling child of mine?"