“In your dreams.” She kissed his cheek. “Surfer girls never reveal their tricks.”
I shook Rafael’s hand. We exchanged a few words until I excused us and ordered two margaritas on the rocks. We took them to the patio, and Natalya commandeered a table as the occupants vacated. I cheered my glass.
“A toast to Mari and your company’s new line of custom-designed longboards. Here’s to your success.”
Natalya sipped her drink. “Mmm, that’s good.” She dabbed the corners of her mouth. “I have no doubt they will be well received, and I’ll figure a way for Dad to accept Mari’s terms. But let’s talk about you.” She pushed her drink aside and leaned forward, hands clasped and forearms on the table. “What’s going on with Thomas and Imelda? I thought he stopped calling you.”
“He did.” I glanced around the crowded patio. “Look, I can’t talk about it now.”
Her brows bunched. “Because it’s too loud or because you’re not ready?”
“Too public.” I took a hefty drink. Ice tumbled against my teeth. I set the near-empty glass down a little too hard and motioned for the waitress, ordering us another round. I moved my chair closer and leaned toward her ear so she could hear me. “Do you remember last December when I asked you to adopt my sons?”
She snorted a laugh. “You were pretty drunk.” I continued to peer at her and she stared back at me. “You weren’t serious?”
“Have you given it any thought?” We hadn’t broached the subject since. We avoided it like the shower incident.
“Of course not. Why would I adopt them when you’re perfectly capable of raising them yourself?”
I tapped my head. “A man with no past, remember?”
“It’s been over two years, Carlos, and you’re still you.”
“I have to take precautions.”
“You’d take your sons away from yourself? God, that barely makes any sense.” She combed fingers through her hair, holding the copper sheet off her face. “Do you still think you’re as much of an asshole as your brothers?”
“Yes.” How could I not be? I got myself into this situation, abandoned in another country. Then there was that story Aimee told me. I was appalled at my own behavior toward her. Who the hell does that?
Natalya let go of her hair and traced the rim of her glass. She didn’t look at me. “I know you and Raquel didn’t have much time together, but she couldn’t have picked a better man for her sons.”
“Is that all I am to you? Your nephews’ father?” I pushed my back into the chair, my mood souring to complement my drink. “A brother-in-law?”
Natalya blinked, stunned by my tone and the way I’d twisted the conversation. I hadn’t meant to ask that, not here, and especially not that way. But . . . there it was, out there, hovering between us like grill smoke. I waited for her to take in the now-obvious fact I had feelings for her or fan it aside as you would when smoke burns your eyes. My heart beat furiously.
Rouge tinted her freckled skin, starting at her cheeks and all the way down to the swell of her breasts. My mouth went dry and I lifted my gaze. She narrowed hers, her cheeks flexing from clamping her jaw. Great. Now she’s pissed. I shouldn’t have said anything. She scooted back her chair and rose just as the waitress returned with our drinks.
My face tilted up. “Where are you going?”
Natalya slipped the bag over her head and shoulder. “I don’t want to talk about this now.”
“But you said—”
“Dammit, Carlos. You and James are the same guy.” She stomped away.
I swore, tossing down bills and tossing back the margarita, and went after her. She’d thundered up two blocks by the time I caught up. I grabbed her upper arm and swung her around. “Why did you walk out on me?”
She wrenched her arm free and glared. “Don’t you dare give up your sons. And don’t you dare give up on yourself. Think how angry you’ll be when you find out you gave them away.”
“How do I know I’ll even want kids?”
“Exactly. You don’t. I’m appalled you’re even considering it.”
“What makes you think this is easy?” I asked, steel in my voice. “I’m thinking of their safety. I’ll bet you, as James, I take them to California, right into the heart of that family that left me here.” I point at my side where the bullet trail that looks like a pale tire mark across my hip hides under my shirt. “My oldest brother tried to kill me. Do you want your nephews raised around people like that?”
“Don’t put it back on me. Don’t make me feel guilty about my opinion.”
I opened my mouth to object. It wasn’t my intent to pile on the guilt. I wanted only for her to understand my point of view. But she stopped me with a cutting glare. I held up my hands and retreated a step.
She cupped her hands along her temples, exasperated. “This is so confusing.” She sighed, defeated, and let her arms fall against her sides. She studied a crack in the concrete. “About your other question.”
“What question?”
“You are a lot more than a brother-in-law to me.”
Oh. That question. “Look, Nat, I didn’t mean—”
She met my gaze and the longing I saw in her knocked me over like a surfer, wiped out while riding down the wave face.
“Nat . . .”
“I’m in love with you. I always have been. And I feel horrible that I took advantage of you.”
What? I stared, just slightly taken aback. My mind worked in a million directions until I came up with the only thing that made sense. “That time in the shower? Why would you think that?” It had been one of the most amazing ten minutes I’d had in the last few years.
“Come on, Carlos. Are you really that dense?”
“Apparently so. Enlighten me.”
She opened her mouth but snapped it shut. Her nostrils flared and she swung around, hair fanning over her shoulders. She walked away.
Now what? I tossed up my hands. “Where are you going?”
“Back to the house.”
“But my Jeep’s that way.” I pointed toward the gallery.
“I’m taking a cab,” she yelled over her shoulder.
I stood in the middle of the sidewalk, dumbstruck. What the hell had just happened?
I picked up Julian and Marcus from the Silvas’ and drove home to a dark and empty house. Natalya didn’t answer when I tapped on her door. I cracked it open. A dull blue glow from the patio light outside revealed a room as empty as the house. Worried, I texted Natalya. She’d been angry, but not enough for her to stay out for the night. Maybe she decided to get a hotel room. That thought left me unsettled because I wanted to see her. We had to discuss Julian and Marcus. We had to talk about me. And we needed to address that huge revelation she dropped on the street like a couch falling off a moving pickup truck. She was not going to drive away from that.
When she didn’t immediately reply, I called. From the corner of the room, I heard the phone vibrate. It was still inside her bag. She’d probably dropped her stuff and went for a walk.
It was late so I tucked the boys in bed and went to my room to change into shorts and a shirt; then I’d go looking for Natalya. She enjoyed evening walks and would most likely be strolling the beach. Or she could be running like a machine and kicking herself about what she told me.
I scooped hands through my hair. Dios! She was in love with me. Had been all this time.
And she’d never said anything.
Why not?
Curtains billowed outward from the windows, catching my attention. The slider to the balcony was open. I walked outside and found Natalya wrapped in a throw, lying on a lounge chair. The air had cooled. She stared off toward the ocean. Water lapped the shore, the sound out of sync with my erratically beating heart. Aside from Raquel, Natalya meant more to me than anyone I’d met in the past few years. She was my only friend, the one person I trusted. She was self-assured, compassionate, and as independent as she was beautiful, I adored everything about her.
I loved her.