I tried to speak, but my voice cracked. When I tried again, it came out as a whisper. “What are you doing here?” I looked over at Greyson, who gave me a knowing grin. It was clear he’d had something to do with it.
“I think I left something in the car. I’ll be back,” Greyson said. I reached out to him, nervous and unsure of what to do, but he gently squeezed my hand. “You don’t have to forgive him, Ellie, but it’s okay to listen. You’ll be okay, and I’ll be around the corner at the car, ready and waiting for you, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay.”
He left us alone, and Dad kept alternating between looking at the water and looking at me. I moved in closer but still didn’t say a word. I had so many things I’d wanted to say to him, but nothing was coming out.
He coughed a little and brushed his hand against the back of his neck. “I think I’m a Ravenclaw, based on all the details. I’m guessing you’re a Hufflepuff, based on what I’ve read and what I know about you.”
“What is all this stuff?” I asked, looking around, as confused as ever.
“Oh, it’s…um, well, it’s…” His thoughts were jumbled, and I didn’t blame him. My thoughts were in the same state. “It’s sixteen birthday cards and sixteen Christmas gifts, for all the years I missed. I, um…” He scratched his head and then pounded his fist against his mouth. “I missed out on so much, and I know you aren’t going to forgive me for that, but I just wanted you to know that, I…I’m so sorry, Ellie.”
“You abandoned me,” I whispered. “You abandoned me for years, and you think some cards and gifts are going to make up for that? I didn’t want your gifts, Dad. I wanted you.”
“I know, I know, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I don’t know if I will ever get it, but I want to work at it. I want to do my best to earn you back into my life. Ellie, after your mother passed away, something inside me snapped. It completely broke, and I didn’t want to figure out how to put it back together. Seeing you…your smile, your eyes… Every part of your mother lives in you, and I wasn’t strong enough to deal with that. I wasn’t strong enough, and I screwed up, and I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t change all these years, but I am sorry for being a shit father. You deserve more than me.”
“Yes,” I agreed, “I do.”
He lowered his head, stung by my words.
“But, regardless of that fact, you’re still the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” When he looked up, tears were streaming down his cheeks, which in turn, made me cry.
“I’m a mess, Ellie.”
“I know you are. I’ve been a mess, too, and I’m not going to lie; I’m still really mad at you. I’m still hurting, and it’s going to take a long time for me to get to a place where I feel as if I can forgive you completely.”
“Yes. I understand.”
“But if you’re willing to try…” I offered.
His eyes lit up. “Yes, I am. I am more than willing. Anything it takes.”
“If we do this, we do it together,” I told him. “If we fall, we fall together. If we break, we shatter as one, but we don’t leave each other anymore, okay Dad? We fight for this. We fight for our family. We fight for us.”
“All for one,” he whispered.
“And one for all,” I finished as I wrapped my arms around him.
The healing process with my father was going to take time. It was going to be more than one conversation, more than ten conversations. I knew it might take years, knew we might never return to being the father and daughter we’d once been, but having something was better than nothing.
At the end of the day, family was worth fighting for, scars and all.
When I went back to meet up with Greyson at the car, Dad came with me. He was going to stay with us a few days before heading back to Florida, just so he and I could get a conversation started toward the healing of our relationship.
That night as I climbed into bed with Greyson, I held him closer than I’d ever held him before. “You did this for me?” I asked, speaking about bringing my father back into my life.
“Of course, I did, Ellie. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make sure you were happy.”
“Grey?”
“Yes?”
“Would it be all right if I kept you forever? I know I said that before, but like, really this time? Can I keep you?”
“Yes, Ellie.” He chuckled lightly, and kissed my forehead as both of our eyes began to shut. “I’m yours.”
60
Eleanor
It had been almost a year since Greyson and I decided to let our love story grow, and it was a beautiful story to partake in. Our words intermixed as if they were made for one another.
On Monday nights we ate spaghetti, on Tuesdays we watched Mr. Rogers, and then we formed new traditions for our future.
Life became easier. Even though my father went back to Florida, he checked in more often. We talked more, and when he said he would visit, he actually came. He was putting forth the effort, and I was more than thankful for that.
When months passed, and he showed up for Christmas, I was amazed.
“Can we open gifts?!” Lorelai shouted darting into the living room on Christmas day.
Claire, Shay, and I had just finished preparing brunch together while the guys all sat in front of the television, watching sports. Landon even stopped by for Christmas brunch, stating that he was simply in the neighborhood again. I knew how much it meant to Greyson for his best friend to be there, and if there was anything Landon was excellent at, it was showing up. He always showed up whenever Greyson needed him.
Even though he wasn’t great for my cousin, he was the best kind of best friend.
“After we eat and make our wish ornaments,” Claire told Lorelai, who groaned about not being able to rip open her presents yet.
Shay walked past me in the kitchen after peeking her head into the living room to look at the guys for the fifteenth hundred time. Or, mainly to look at Landon.
“You know what I hate most in this world?” she asked me.
“What’s that?”
“Landon Harrison. I mean, can you believe that? When I showed up today he had the nerve to say, ‘Merry Christmas,’ to me. Can you believe that asshole?”
I snickered. “How rude.”
“Exactly! It’s like he’s trying to play some crazy mind games.” She huffed as her cheeks reddened. She was so flustered around him. It was actually pretty cute.
“Or maybe he simply meant Merry Christmas,” I offered.
She lowered her eyebrows, going deep into thought. “Yeah, maybe. Maybe that’s it. Okay, yeah. It was just a Merry Christmas. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Just then Landon popped his head into the kitchen and gave a big smirk. “Need any help in here, ladies?” he asked.
“You cook?” Shay asked, sassily with her hands against her hips.
“Yeah, sometimes.”
“Why do I find that so hard to believe?” she mocked.
“I don’t know, but if you give me a few minutes, I’m sure I can bring some nice sausage into your life.” He winked her way, making me chuckle.
Shay groaned. “You’re disgusting.”
“I’m just saying, it will probably be the best meat you’ve had in a while. And if memory serves me right, which it does, you kind of already told me how much you loved my sausage.”
“Shut up, Landon,” Shay hissed, turning redder than ever. “You’re so cocky.”
He smirked, pleased with how he was getting under her skin. “I know, right?”
“Oh, piss off, Landon,” she breathed out, hitting him with a dish rag, making him hurry away.
She stayed flustered as she combed her hair behind her ears. “What a dick,” she muttered. “I can’t wait until he goes back to California.”
“I can’t wait for season one, episode one of the Landon and Shay show,” I joked. “I love a solid enemies-to-lovers storyline.”
She pointed a stern finger at me. “That will never in the history of ever happen. Never.”
A part of me knew she was lying, though. Shay and Landon had this intense game of cat and mouse they played together, and for some reason I felt as if the story between the two of them was just beginning.
Once the food was prepared, we all gathered around the dining room table, and feasted on the meal. There was so much chatter, laughter, smiles, and peace going around the table setting, and it warmed up every part of me. After the meal, Claire handed out pieces of paper, and clear, glass ornaments.
She had the idea of making wishes for the upcoming year. In the clear, glass spheres, you were supposed to place a wish for the year to come. Then when the year was over, you opened the ornament and you’d be able to see how your wish had come true. Then, you’d use paint to decorate the ornament however you wished.
As everyone sat there decorating with looks of joy on their faces, I sat back in my chair, in complete awe.
This was it.
This was all I’d ever wanted. All I wanted was this moment. All I wanted was this family. All I wanted was us.
As I put my wish for the coming year in place, I thought about the words I’d written down about what I hoped for. I looked around at the happiness surrounding me, and I felt beyond blessed.
This was all I wanted for the upcoming months.
More.
More happiness, more laughter, more smiles.
More of him, more of me, more of us.
Greyson pushed his chair away from the table, and cleared his throat as he stood up. “Hey, everyone, I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for coming out today. You have no clue what it means to me and the girls to have each chair at this table filled. There was a time where I thought we’d never get this back. There was a time I thought happiness was gone forever, but then a light came back into my life, and everything changed. So, I just wanted you all to be here when I show my gratitude to the woman who saved my family, to the woman who saved me.”