“What can I do to make it better?” He kissed my hair. “I could sing you a song, but I have a crap voice.”
“Are you on a morphine drip?” I asked.
“Don’t be sad, don’t you cry…” Chase started singing. “Wait, I forgot the words.”
“Because it’s not a real song, and you’re high.”
“I feel no pain!” He pumped his fist in the air. “Well, that’s not true. Physically I feel no pain, and yes, for some stupid reason I want to sing to you. What can I say? It sounds like a good idea. But my heart…” He sighed. “Damn, it hurts.”
“Should I call the doctor?” I started to get up, but he pulled me gently back into the curve of his warm body.
“No, I think I know the cure.”
“What?” I whispered.
“You.” His eyes fluttered closed. “I never want to be without you again, okay? And I swear, I’m getting you a damn bulletproof vest after today.”
“That would look too obvious.”
“I’ll freaking wrap you in bubble tape with a bulletproof vest. I don’t care if you look like a circus freak.” Chase snorted. “I can’t lose you.”
“You were the one who almost left me…” I cupped his face. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“Fine.” He yawned, his eyes still closed. I traced his strong jaw then dipped my hands into his dark shaggy hair. Even on a hospital bed, he looked like a freaking underwear model with tattoos. “I saw your face.”
“What?”
“I didn’t want to go toward the light.” His brow furrowed. “But I kept seeing your face, and I told myself I would die trying to reach it.”
A few tears streamed down my face before I could wipe them away. “I’m glad you succeeded.”
“Me too.”
We lay in silence until his breathing deepened. I knew he needed his sleep. He’d only gotten out of surgery a few hours before, but I hadn’t been able to wait to see him. He was my life — the other part of my soul. I never imagined love would feel like this — it was wrecking me. Making me feel like I wasn’t the same person I’d been a few weeks ago.
I kissed his forehead and laughed. “Some honeymoon.”
“Viva Las Vegas,” he whispered hoarsely, lifting his fist into the air. I rolled my eyes and bumped it.
“Sleep.”
“Will you be here when I wake up?”
“Always.” I swore. “I will always be there when you open your eyes.”
“Good.” He smiled, eyes still closed, and drifted off to sleep again.
“How is he?” a male voice said behind me.
I knew it was Nixon, just from the way the air stirred around me; he had a way of causing tension to build in a room until you wanted to slam your head against the wall.
“Tired.” I cleared my throat.
“Can we talk?”
“Depends.” I turned around and stuffed my hands in my jeans pockets. “Are you planning on threatening me or shooting me again?”
Nixon’s face broke out into a gorgeous smile, his white teeth sparkling against his dark skin and lip ring. I almost took a step back. I’d only ever seen him save his smiles for Trace, and now that I’d received one, I kind of wanted to keep it forever. It changed his entire demeanor.
“Come here,” he whispered.
Slowly I walked over to the door.
In an instant I was in his arms. He was hugging me tight. After the shock wore off, I was able to relax in his bulky frame. He towered over me. I laid my head against his chest and sighed, feeling the need to cry a bit.
“I’m sorry, Mil.” he said gruffly. “I know my methods may seem a bit insane and harsh, but I needed you to step up, and you did it beautifully. Can you forgive me?”
“Y-yes,” I stuttered, holding back the tears.
“Mil…” Nixon pulled away from me and started shifting on his feet, his eyes flickering to the floor while he sucked nervously on his lip ring. “There’s something I need to give you.”
“What?”
“I don’t know how…” Nixon smiled sadly. “Maybe I don’t want to know. But Phoenix, he, um, he left some things for you. I didn’t know he was the type to keep a journal, but in it, he wrote an entry almost like a letter to you. I ripped it out so you could have it. I thought… I thought maybe it would give you closure.”
He pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to me. “You need to know one thing, Mil.”
I took the paper and clenched it in my hands.
“He would have been so damn proud of you.” Nixon shook his head, his eyes pooling with tears. “He wasn’t right in the end. Not in the end. But he wanted so badly to make things better. He wanted a life for you, wanted to protect you. The things he saw… He couldn’t block them out, Mil. I truly believe God granted him peace for the first time in twenty-one years when he finally took him home. I believe men like Phoenix, ones who do bad things then ask for forgiveness, I believe they’re granted it. We all make mistakes. We all have ugly within us. We’re all capable of acting out in the darkness. What sets people like Phoenix apart is, the moment it truly matters, they finally choose light, and in that moment, their souls are redeemed.”
Tears blurred my vision.
Nixon pulled me toward him again, kissing my forehead. “Don’t doubt that he’s resting in peace — I know for a fact he is. Heaven isn’t reserved for people like Vito, ones who think themselves a god. It’s reserved for the broken, the humbled, the ugly, the unlovely, who finally see in themselves what God had made them capable of when he created them — greatness.”