“But—” Trace’s lower lip trembled. “We are trying!”
“No.” I shook my head. “Who bought you boots, Trace?”
“What does that have to do with anything going on?” Chase yelled.
“Trace,” I repeated. “Who bought you the damn boots?”
“Chase did,” she whispered.
“Who saved you from ridicule at the welcome back party when I called you out in front of the entire student body?”
She closed her eyes as a single tear ran down her cheek. “Chase.”
“Who protected you from Phoenix?”
Trace said nothing.
“Who never left your damn side when I listened to your grandfather’s orders and pushed you away?”
And again with silence.
I had to get it out. I had to do it. There was no other way. “So as far as I’m concerned, it’s always been Chase. It’s never been me, Trace. All along it’s been him, and only him. From here on out, I’m the other guy, I’m the ass**le who embarrassed you in front of your peers, the guy that threatened to destroy you. I am nothing, and Chase? He’s your savior.”
I walked out of the room and didn’t look back. I couldn’t. I knew if I did I would either fall to my knees and apologize for being so harsh, or cry for the first time since I was twelve.
I’d just singlehandedly given the love of my life to my best friend—on a silver platter, with a shiny bow attached.
And I didn’t care if I died, but if Trace died? Because of me? Because of my pride and inability to get over myself? I would pray for death. So if it meant I had to give up the only thing that I was living for? It would be worth it. If she was safe. It would be worth it. I repeated that to myself for the rest of the night, and when Trace came home and said nothing over dinner. I said it again, and again, and when I opened that bottle of whiskey and sat in my room, I said it again.
Until I passed out.
* * *
I woke up with a killer hangover. My fault. Grumbling, I took a shower and went downstairs to get some breakfast before I went over to the Space to see if Phoenix would change his tune.
“Hey.” Trace was sitting at the table eating some toast.
“Hey.” I waved. Idiot. She was sitting right in front of me.
Her eyes didn’t leave mine. I was frozen in place and could literally hear every beat of my heart in the silence.
“You’re wrong, you know.” She stood and walked toward me. “About a lot of things—everything, actually. And you’re an ass.”
“I—”
“I’m talking, you’re listening.” She smirked and grabbed the front of my shirt and pushed me toward the pantry. She slammed me against the door, pretty forcefully, I might add, and then opened it and shoved me in. I mean, I could fight her but I was too damn turned on and curious to do anything except stare at her.
“I. Want. You.” She took off her shirt. What the hell? “Only you.” Her jeans were next.
The pantry immediately became my number one favorite spot in the house.
Facing me in nothing but her scandalous white lacy underwear, she whispered in my ear. “This. What you see? What’s in front of you, it’s not just about me wanting you. I want all of you. I want to be vulnerable with you, exposed. But you have to let me… maybe the reason I don’t want to open up that part of myself to Chase is because he isn’t you, Nixon. He doesn’t have this.” She placed my hand on her bare skin right above her breast. Shit, I was slowly dying inside. Did she even realize what the hell she was doing to me?
“He doesn’t have our history, our past, our drama. I love him, you’re right. I love him so damn much that I can’t imagine life without him. But he and I—we aren’t this. So tell me, Nixon. Tell me if you want me to forget. I’ll forget what we have, if that’s really what you want. If you want me to jump into his arms without looking back, I will. But know I’ll hate you forever for giving me up.”
“I’m not,” I interrupted her. “You can’t give up something you never had.”
She slapped me hard across the face. “You promised, Nixon. You promised me.”
I kissed her hard on the mouth, clenching her wrists in my hands as I pinned her against the door. “You’re right,” I growled and pulled away. “And I’m sorry for hurting us, for hurting you, but Trace… next time you trap me in a closet, in nothing but your underwear. I will take advantage of you. I’ll screw you until you forget your own name. Don’t play with fire, and don’t mess with me. I’m still terrible for you; he’s better, and I stand by what I did. Now move out of the way before I truly lose control and steal your virginity next to the damn Cheerios.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and glared as I sidestepped her and walked out of the pantry and directly into Tex.
“Whoa!” Tex looked at my face and then lower. His smile widened. “Taking care of business in the pantry or Mrs. Butterworth just make you horny?”
“Shut up.”
“It’s cool! She’s naked, I get it!” Tex called after me, while I raced back up the stairs, grabbed my phone and keys, and then ran out of the house. Away from Trace, away from everything.
Chapter Twenty-two
Chase
“So you wanna talk about it?” I slid the cup of coffee across the table in the commons and waited for Trace to say something.