I didn’t care about his reaction though because I wasn’t doing it for him. I pushed to my feet and turned to leave.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Pausing on the plush Oriental rug, I asked, “Are we not done here?”
“We’re done when I say we’re done and not a second before.”
I didn’t turn back around. He could face my back this time. “You finished with me years ago. Fourteen if you’re looking for specifics.”
The truth was, any remnants of Garrett I’d like to pretend were still buried deep within him had shriveled up and disappeared along with my childhood. The only thing we had in common these days were Irish green eyes, a last name, and half our DNA, and if I could somehow return those in exchange for a clean slate, I would. As I approached the door, I heard the rustle of his clothes behind me.
He somehow reached the door before me and produced a key, locking me in. Who the fuck had a key to lock themselves in their own office? Or maybe he was sealing everyone else out?
“So, you basically stole my money.”
His accusation stung.
“I didn’t steal anything from you. I never asked you for it. You put it in my bank account and I used it as I saw fit.”
“You let me think it was for your tuition.”
True. “If you were so worried about where your money was going, you could’ve asked. Maybe during one of those family dinners we have. Oh, wait…”
He lurched forward, almost as if he wanted to strike me. I wouldn’t have stopped him. I’d have let him get in a free hit just to satisfy my curiosity if he’d physically touch me. I don’t think he had in the last decade.
“That money was an investment. In you.”
“I’m not a fucking investment, Dad. I’m your son.” My chest was so tight I could barely breathe.
“Talk to me like that again and I’ll write you out of my will.”
Heat burned the back of my eyes. “I never gave a shit about your money. It was never, not once, about the money. You can take every single one of your dollar bills and burn them to ash for all I care.”
He scoffed. “You don’t mean that.”
“I do.” The vehemence in my voice had him studying me curiously. As if I was a new species of insect and he wasn’t sure if he should protect it for further study or squash it under his hand-tooled Italian loafer.
“Then you’re an idiot.” Splat. Decision made.
“I learned from the best,” I muttered under my breath.
“You haven’t learned anything yet. You have no sense of family responsibility.” His words were cold. Condescending. Dismissive.
“And you do?” I shot back. “You’re suddenly the expert on what makes a good parent? A good husband? A decent fucking human being? Because you’re right, I haven’t learned any of those lessons from you yet.”
He got right in my face, but I didn’t step back. “You know nothing of what it’s like to lose a child. Or a wife.”
“No,” I conceded. “But I know what it’s like to lose a brother. And not one, but two parents.”
His chest puffed out, almost touching mine. I had two inches on him in height, but right now he seemed taller. “Your brother would be disappointed in you. I know I am. What a fucking waste…” He took a step back as if he couldn’t bear to be that close to me any longer, as if my very presence repulsed him.
“It doesn’t matter!” I yelled. “It doesn’t matter because he died. He died. He died.” My chest heaved as I took a ragged breath. “But I didn’t.”
He shrank back from my words, turning his head side to side as if to ward off the blows they dealt.
The dark satisfaction I expected to feel at my outburst never materialized. Only resignation at the knowledge that our relationship had passed the point of being salvaged.
Striding over to him, I ripped the key from his loose grip, returned to the door, and unlocked it, freeing myself once and for all of the strangling ties I’d let him hold over me for half my life.
I threw the key at his feet. It landed without a sound on the thick Persian wool. “I didn’t die but you make me feel everyday like you wished it’d been me.”
Reese
11:04. My dorm was spotless. All my shit was picked up and neatly stowed in my half of the room. I even went down to the bookstore and purchased a stuffed Sharky, the school mascot, as a welcome gift and had it waiting on the bare mattress for her.
The thought of sharing my living space with someone had me oscillating between nervous and excited. I was an only child. I’d never lived with someone else my age before. Would she like me? Would I like her? How awkward was it going to be getting dressed and undressed in front of a stranger? What if I needed to fart? What if she brought a guy back to the room? Would we have to have a system—the whole sock on the doorknob thing?
Restless, I went to Sammy’s to get an early lunch before the crowds got too bad. Getting there was like trying to swim up a waterfall as thousands of students and their parents flooded the campus with suitcases and laptops and posters, their hopes and dreams and fears tucked between folded Rodner University t-shirts and fresh spiral notebooks. When I finally had my turkey-and-cranberry sub and requisite Cherry Coke Zero, I escaped to the center of campus, away from the craziness of the dorms, and found an empty bench shaded by an oak tree.
I checked my phone. No texts from Laird. A twinge of disappointment weighed me down, stealing some of my excitement over our date tonight. I’d just seen him two hours ago, and I’d see him again tonight. Did I really expect to hear from him in between? I shoved the phone aside and nibbled my sandwich. It didn’t taste as good as the one I’d eaten with him at his townhouse last week.
4:38. Still no roommate. Concerned, I tracked down Myrna, my resident adviser.
“Oh, Reese, I’d meant to find you earlier today. Yeah, your roommate isn’t coming. She switched schools last minute. I’d keep that quiet if I were you—if nobody realizes it, they might not fill the spot with anyone else and you’ll get a room to yourself!” She gave me an exaggerated wink and patted my shoulder. “Gotta run. A girl down the hall can’t figure out how to log onto the campus wi-fi and her world is crumbling as we speak.” With a swish of her long white-blond hair, she was gone and I was alone again, in a sea of girls who’d all been paired off by the housing gods.
I went back to my clean, empty room. I stared at Sharky, alone on the other bed. He looked sad by himself so I moved him to mine, tucked him under my blankets, his head nestled on my pillow.
No roommate. Huh.
And then I did a little dance, in the room I didn’t have to share with anyone at all.
I even farted out loud for good measure.
5:41. Even though it was a little early, I started getting ready for my date with Laird. Dinner at his place. And sex, presumably. Lots of sex. So much sex, he expected me to need the whole next morning to recover. I bit my lip. I wasn’t a virgin, but my experience level was more intermediate than expert, and I would bet Laird was a high scorer at this game.
Should I stretch? Prepare myself? I glanced at the pink four-blade razor in my shower caddy. Yeah, I needed to prepare. Forty minutes later, I was sleek as a seal, moisturized, blow-dried, and wrapped in a damp towel as I contemplated my closet.
What did one wear to be seduced? Would he expect skimpy lingerie? Would that seem slutty, or was that what he was anticipating? I eyed my bed. Sharky fixed me with his plastic gaze, absolutely no help to me in this situation. “Some roommate you are,” I told him. He grinned back at me, his white felt teeth on full display.
7:02. I hesitated outside Laird’s door, and smoothed my hands down the soft raspberry pink jersey dress I’d settled on. The sleeveless, scooped-neck design was casual, but the way it clung to my skin was anything but innocent. And the sheer black bra and thong set I wore beneath it revealed more than it concealed. We both knew what was going to happen tonight. Wearing full-coverage cotton seemed pointless.
7:04. Oscar barked on the other side of the door, but Laird hadn’t opened up yet. Feeling silly standing on his stoop, I tried to remember our conversation from earlier. He said seven, right?