Home > Charming as Puck(28)

Charming as Puck(28)
Author: Pippa Grant

Especially if she keeps calling me her boyfriend. I’m more like a full-grown man-friend with fucking awesome cock skills, but I can work with boyfriend. But only if it’s Kami calling me that.

I put extra effort into pretending I’m hacking up a lung, because it’s what I’m supposed to do, and I’m going to be the best fucking boyfriend to ever walk the earth.

Bonus, Kami rubs my back and uses her free hand to grip my arm like she needs to guide me.

Fuck, I missed her touching me. The things we take for granted, man.

We’re led down a long hallway and into the prep room. I did one of these escape room things with the team just before training camp started, so I pretty much know how it goes. Kami’s listening with rapt attention while our hostess explains how to find clues and how much time we have to figure out the combination on the lock out of the control room before we lose the game.

“If we lose, it’s the Johnson-Wankers’ fault,” the old guy grumbles.

“Shove it, old man,” the younger guy with one earbud popped out replies.

Kami’s lips twitch, but you have to be looking close to see it. The hostess asks if anyone needs to use the bathroom one last time before we’re all locked into our room for an hour, and Kami nudges me.

“I’m good,” I whisper.

“You have a respiratory problem,” she whispers back, so softly no one else can hear. “Count to five and cough. You have to sell this.”

She pecks my cheek while the old guy grumbles about how stupid this is and the woman—his daughter, maybe? Or granddaughter?—forces a bright smile. “It’s been thirty years. We’re going to bond, we’re going to get out of this room together, and we’re going to let this all fucking go. Or else you’ll never see Alex and me again.”

For the first time, Kami frowns. “Do you all need to do this alone?”

“No,” the left half of the group answers while the right half all reply, “Yes.”

I fake a coughing fit.

“Are you smart?” one of the middle-aged men asks Kami.

“She’s a doctor,” I answer for her. My voice is raspy, and she scoots closer to me while she shivers.

I’m no expert in shivers, but I think that was a she likes my voice like this shiver.

“An animal doctor,” she explains. “Not an astrophysicist or anything.”

“Good enough. I’m John. My brothers, Joe, Jim, and Jake, and Jake’s son, Alex, who’s not smart at all. You’re on our team and I’ll give you half a cow if you can get us the hell out of here in fifteen minutes or less.”

“Aren’t we all on the same team?” Kami asks, ignoring the half-a-cow thing.

“No,” all but the woman and Alex answer.

“I don’t team up with Johnson-Wankers,” the old man mutters.

“I’m Jordan,” the woman tells us, “and this is my dad, Jeremiah, and his brother, Jerry.”

“Jesus,” I mutter. I’m just calling them the J-squad. Numbering them might be easier.

Kami’s lips twitch again. “I’m Kami. This is Nick. He’ll be mostly useless thanks to the respiratory issues, but he’s often lucky, so there’s that working to our advantage.”

She pats my back again.

So maybe I’m not going to get to make out with her in the magic escape room, but despite the lingering ache in my dick, I don’t mind.

She said I get lucky.

I can have patience.

“Great, so now you all know each other, and the rules, and how to hit the panic button,” our hostess says brightly, “let’s go rescue some kittens in space.”

Groans and mutters of “Some what?” go through the room.

Except for Kami.

She tips her head back and laughs while she claps her hands. “You’re amazing,” she tells me, and I just grin.

I could block six thousand pucks in this moment.

Lavoie’s right.

I’ve got it bad.

Our hostess herds us into the actual escape room, tells us to look for our first clue “in outer space,” and pulls the door shut behind her.

“What the ever-loving fresh hell is this?” the old dude, officially now known as Cranky Grandpa, says as he looks around. Guy would’ve gotten along great with my Gammy.

“We have to rescue the kittens from the Gooz, and then escape the ship within an hour,” Jordan tells the J-men of Team Wanker. “Start looking for clues!”

She rushes to the captain’s chair and controls set up in the middle of the fifteen-by-fifteen room. Half the walls are windows to outer space which would only be cooler if they were lit by a projector and the stars were actually moving. I make a mental note to do this right if I ever buy an escape room company when I retire.

Of the remaining two walls, one’s lined with a control panel of buttons and screens and chairs at the long counter, and the other is painted with cells holding kittens in space suits.

That cat at the shelter was fucking adorable today.

I should go back. Just to visit.

And take Kami.

Except she gets to see little animals all day long. Maybe she doesn’t want to go.

“Where’s that panic button?” Cranky Grandpa mutters.

“If you hit that panic button without even trying to find a clue, I’ll hide all your reading glasses and I’ll steal your chickens,” Alex announces.

Kami and I share a look, and we both head for the control panel along the far wall. “We have to find the keys to the holding cell and also crack the code to make sure there aren’t any Gooz guards between us and the kittens,” Kami says.

“I’ll beat them up for you,” I offer while I squat under the control panel and search for clues.

“But the noise might attract the Grand Gooz Emperor.”

“No wonder he can’t block a puck. He’s fucking nuts,” one of the J-Wankers mutters.

Kami rolls her eyes. “So you’re fighting over chickens?” she asks while she picks up the keyboards and looks under them.

“That dickhead shaved penises into my cows,” Cranky Grandpa replies, pointing at the oldest of the Johnson-Wankers. “My prize cows. Right before I took them to auction.”

“Thirty years ago,” Alex sing-songs.

“He wouldn’t be so upset if he didn’t have a tiny pecker,” the Johnson-Wanker with the earbuds says.

“If I had shaved penises into your cow, you would’ve deserved it for stealing Ma’s chickens,” the J-Wanker who apparently is denying his involvement says.

“Wait, are you all cousins?” Kami asks suddenly. She points between Jordan and Alex. “And you’re…involved?”

“I’m adopted,” Alex tells her.

“You’re just as much a Johnson-Wanker as the rest of us,” one of the J-men says.

“They always hid him from view of Grandpa’s farm. We met in the engineering department at school,” Jordan explains. She smiles at him, and he smiles back with a blush.

“They’re getting married over my dead body,” Cranky Grandpa announces.

“They’ve been feuding for thirty years,” Jordan tells us with an exasperated sigh. “Before I was even born. It started with the cows and chickens and now they all think the others are sabotaging their tractors and contaminating their seed. If they don’t call a truce, Alex and I are moving to Italy.”

“I hear the gelato’s good,” I offer.

Kami gives me the wrong answer eyeball.

“I have a cow?” I correct.

“You a farmer in your spare time?” one of them asks. Fuck, I can’t remember which side of the feud that guy’s on. Whatever.

I shake my head. “Nah. Got pranked. Almost lost Kami over it. Really sucked. But the cow’s cute. I ordered her this special harness with unicorn cows on it for when we go for walks.”

Every last J-man—including Cranky Grandpa—gives me identical you’re a fucking nutjob eyeballs.

“Aww, they agree on something,” Kami murmurs. “We’re doing a good deed on our date. Go, us.” She stops, and a wide grin spreads over her face. “Oh my gosh, I think I found a clue!”

She flips over the keyboard, and there’s an envelope taped to the bottom.

“You got yourself a meat cow or a milk cow?” Cranky Grandpa asks me.

“She’s a pet,” I reply. “I moved back home with my parents so we can live together all the time.”

Kami’s trying to read the new clue, but her lips are wobbling.

“Fucking dumbass,” one of the J-men mutters.

“Oh, no!” Kami announces dramatically. She throws the back of her hand to her forehead and collapses to the floor in mock horror. “No, it can’t be!”

“What? What?” Jordan exclaims.

“The kittens…” Kami pauses dramatically, and dude. She’s a terrible actress. But fuck if watching her get into it isn’t spreading warm goopy happiness all through my chest. “They’re going…to be… gassed!”

“Noooo!” Jordan cries equally dramatically. “How do we stop it?”

Alex and I share a look, and if I think I have it bad, that guy’s so whipped he probably can’t put his own shoes on without asking permission.

You fucking go, dude.

“Where’s that fucking panic button?” Cranky Grandpa says again.

One of the J-men that I think is on his side holds him back. “Hey, Jordan’s having fun. Stop it.”

“We’re going to enter a talent show,” I tell the men. “Me and Sugarbear. My cow, I mean. She can tap-dance.”

“At least she’s not marrying this weirdo,” another of the guys mutters to Cranky Grandpa.

“We have to find the switch to disable the poison chambers,” Kami announces.

“There are switches here!” Jordan points to all the controllers at the console next to the captain’s chair in the middle of the room, and both women dive for them and start flipping switches.

   
Most Popular
» Nothing But Trouble (Malibu University #1)
» Kill Switch (Devil's Night #3)
» Hold Me Today (Put A Ring On It #1)
» Spinning Silver
» Birthday Girl
» A Nordic King (Royal Romance #3)
» The Wild Heir (Royal Romance #2)
» The Swedish Prince (Royal Romance #1)
» Nothing Personal (Karina Halle)
» My Life in Shambles
» The Warrior Queen (The Hundredth Queen #4)
» The Rogue Queen (The Hundredth Queen #3)
romance.readsbookonline.com Copyright 2016 - 2024