We also talked about how I was kind of worried that Justine was partying too much and getting blasted out of her mind when she did. We talked about the fact that I was worried about this because she’d screwed up on her SATs, refused to take them again, and she’d had a really bad couple of semesters, so her GPA was shot. Then, when the first two colleges she applied to didn’t take her, she’d quit applying. And I’d told him I thought she was lost and freaked about her future and instead of finding her way, she was getting drunk a lot.
“One thing I know, darlin’,” he’d said gently when we were talking about Justine. “You ain’t ever gonna change a person. Stand by their side or be at their back. But do not push change or expect it. Just be there for them while they sort their shit out. But do it knowin’ you might have to cut ties if their shit starts leakin’ and becomin’ yours.”
Thus I’d learned on our date that Logan Judd was wise.
Conversation had while eating changed into conversation had while cuddling and talking and staring at the moon on the water.
Cuddling had gone from just talking to talking with some kissing.
My first kiss from Logan Judd had been a revelation. It, too, was my first adult kiss. No fumbling around. No inexperience. No desperation. None of that feel you’d get from a guy like he knew he was lucky he managed to get his mouth on you and the second he did, he was thinking about what else he could get.
Logan knew what he was doing. Logan took his time doing it. Logan liked what he was getting and Logan knew how to guide me to giving that back.
It was dreamy from beginning to end.
And then the talking stopped and it was just kissing until it turned into Logan making love to me on that blanket by a lake in the Rocky Mountains.
It was slow and sweet and exploratory until it got faster and more urgent and finished on totally explosive.
It was not only my first orgasm.
It was also the first time a man had made love to me.
And I lay under him, feeling his weight, smelling his hair, my body sluggish in a way I liked, at the same time I was crazy-giddy like the night before, except in a quieter way I liked better. All this because I was connected to Logan, feeling complete when I didn’t know I was incomplete and it was crazy, totally nutso, but I knew it to be true.
I was complete with Logan.
And I also knew it was no longer that I could fall in love with Logan Judd.
It was that I’d started doing it at his first “hey.”
No, when I first saw him walk into Kellie’s house.
And I was still doing it and knew I’d keep doing it until the deed was done.
Which, with the rate I was going, would take another date.
This, for some reason, didn’t freak me.
No.
It should. It should freak me. It should feel wrong.
But it only felt right—oh so right...
I... could not... wait.
He pulled his face from out of my neck and I instantly missed his heavy breaths there.
But when his eyes caught mine in the moonlight, I suddenly declared, “I’m not easy. You’re my second. And if you think I am and this isn’t about the fact that we’re good together... if you’ve missed what’s going on with us... if you take this, what just happened, and don’t call again... all I can say is... your loss, Logan Judd.”
I said this and I did it with attitude.
But I also did it completely terrified by the very idea that he might not call again.
He grinned and his body started shaking on mine.
“That it?” he asked, his words also shaking with humor.
“Yes,” I answered, deciding from his amusement not to be freaked that I’d just blurted all that out.
“Just sayin’, already got our second date scoped out,” he replied.
I relaxed under him and did it biting back a whoop of glee.
“And the third,” he continued.
I slid my hand up his spine.
“All the way to the sixth,” he kept going. “And then it’s your turn to decide what we do, so best start thinkin’, Millie, ’cause that’s gonna happen next week.”
Man, oh man, he had our first six dates planned.
He was going to call me again.
And again.
And again.
And this made me unbelievably happy.
“I like you.”
God, still blurting!
The grin he was still wearing got bigger.
“That’s good seein’ as you just let me have you as in all a’ you. I liked it a fuckuva lot but even if you hadn’t given me that, I also liked shootin’ the shit with you so think it’s safe to say I like you too.”
I turned my head to the side, suddenly scared at how relieved I was that he liked all he’d gotten from me and wanted more.
“Millie,” he called.
“Hmm?” I asked the tall grass at the side of the blanket.
“Beautiful, look at me.”
At the “beautiful,” my fingers clenched into his skin and my eyes went to his.
“No bullshit, baby,” he whispered the second he got my gaze. “I am absolutely, one hundred percent not missin’ what’s goin’ on.”
It was then I suddenly wanted to cry because I’d just been made love to, had my first orgasm, and was still connected to a man I liked a lot, a lot, a lot in a way I knew I was falling in love.
“This is kinda crazy,” I whispered back.
“This is all kinds of crazy,” he agreed. “Crazy good. And we’d both be fools, we don’t roll with it.”