I won’t give in.
In the adjacent hallway, Zander paced as he talked on his cell phone. She tuned out his voice and ignored the pointed looks he continued to give her.
She pulled her cell phone out of her purse and stared at the screen. It felt like a ten-pound weight in her hand. She touched a few buttons and held the phone to her ear, closing her eyes in the bright glare of the overhead lights. Mason answered, and she couldn’t speak.
“Ava? You there? Hello?”
“I’m here,” she whispered, realizing he was on his car’s Bluetooth system.
“What’s wrong?” His voice was sharp, instantly aware. “I’ve got Ray in the car with me.”
“Jayne tried to kill herself today.” Her tongue felt numb. Everything felt numb.
“Jesus Christ. Where are you? Is she okay?”
“OHSU. She’s going to be fine.” Her mouth dried up, and she swallowed hard. “She might need some surgery.”
Mason swore. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, but it’s going to be at least an hour. We left Eugene a while ago.”
“I’m okay. Zander is here.”
“Good. Let me talk to him.”
Ava opened her eyes, blinking in the harsh light to find Zander staring at her from the hall. She held the phone out to him, and he swiftly walked over and took it, stepping away to converse with Mason. She closed her eyes and tipped her head against the wall, not wanting to hear their conversation. She didn’t care what they said. Her body simply wanted to find a dark room and sleep.
What is wrong with me?
Overload. I’m shutting down instead of dealing with Jayne. Again. I can’t think about her. Or anything.
“He wants to talk to you.”
She forced her eyes open and took the phone. “Yes?”
“Zander’s going to drive you home. I’ll meet you there.”
A jolt ran through her, and she was instantly alert. “I can’t leave. I should stay.”
“To do what? Wait around for hours? They’re going to do what needs to be done, and I doubt Jayne will be in any condition to hold a conversation with you. Zander says you’re practically falling asleep. It’s late. I’ll meet you at the house, and we’ll both go back in the morning.”
“I don’t think—”
“I’m calling this one, Ava.” His fierce tone made her stop, and she waited for her anger to rise at his high-handed attitude.
It didn’t come.
He’s completely right.
“Okay,” she whispered.
“I love you,” he stated. “But I’ll be damned if I let you sit in a hospital waiting hand and foot on a sister who doesn’t give a shit about you or anyone else.”
“You’re right,” she said quietly. “I know. And I love you for it.”
“I’ll see you at home.”
Ava noticed Zander was taking his time leaving the hospital, and she realized he was stalling to let Mason get home before he dropped her off. She wondered if that had been Mason’s idea or his.
Either way, she didn’t want to sit alone in an empty house, so someone had made a smart decision.
She stared out the window of Zander’s car. Eleven P.M. The bright sign of a bar briefly flashed as they sped by, and she was bowled over with the need for a drink. A big one. One with lots of alcohol and fruity syrup that would drown all thoughts of her twin. One that would put the world on pause and let her take a break before it restarted.
Is that what Jayne wanted? A break? An escape?
Ava understood. Every cell in her body comprehended how Jayne had felt before she swallowed the pills and slashed at her wrists and stomach, and the clarity of the understanding rattled her to the core. Most days Ava had a tight grip on the dark areas of her mind, but tonight they had burst open, and she was fighting to close them back up.
Jayne had lost the fight years ago.
The battle raged in Ava’s mind and the air in the car turned oppressive, dense with stress. The holes in her mind were treacherous and icy and deep, and they beckoned her to enter, making promises of ease and relaxation. An escape. Tempting her with a blissful nothingness. You can go back to reality whenever you want.
A lie.
Once she stepped over the line, every day of her life would be a fight like Jayne’s.
“What’s happened with the shootings?” she asked Zander, scrambling for a new chain of thoughts to distract from the beckoning chorus in her brain. It felt as if she were swimming upward through dark waters, holding her breath as she searched for the surface.
“We found Justin Yoder on video as he entered the bathroom before the shooting at Rivertown Mall.”
She broke through the water’s surface. Her brain snatched his statement and started to analyze, shoving her dark thoughts into a closet. “You could tell it was him? So now we have proof that there were two men that day? What time did he go in? Was he already dressed in black? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Her mind buzzed with a million questions, and she held tight to the fresh grip on sanity.
Even in the dark car, she could see the wry look Zander gave her. “It didn’t seem like the right time to bring it up. He went in about ninety minutes before the shooting started and yes, he was wearing black. No mask. He wasn’t carrying anything, so possibly he had the mask tucked inside his jacket.”
“I knew our theory was right.” Relief rocked through her. “Now we need to figure out how on earth our mystery shooter recruited three young men to go along with his plans.”