The Russian pounded his back again. “He is having bad day.”
He was saved from answering when the Russian turned his phone around again. “Raccoon eating marshmallow.”
Colton tugged Noah away several feet and lowered his voice. “Since you’re rooming with him, see if you can find out anything.”
“About what—wait. I’m rooming with the Russian?”
“Yeah, didn’t you know?”
“No, I didn’t fucking know. Who decided that?”
Colton shrugged. “Mack, I guess. Nearly everyone else is bringing a wife or girlfriend, and I’m rooming with Mack’s brother. So that leaves you and the Russian.”
“Why can’t I room with Liam?” His voice took on the quality of a whiny teenager.
“Because you have investigative skills.” Colton nodded back toward the Russian’s massive suitcase and lowered his voice. “Snoop through his luggage and see if you find any evidence of his wife.”
“You seriously need to go on tour again.”
“I’m working on my next album.”
“Then find a hobby.”
The Russian walked over, laughing behind hand. He turned his phone around. “Raccoon eating popcorn.”
Noah glared at Colton, who winked and walked away. Noah wandered to the front of the hangar to watch for Alexis. But as the minutes ticked by, everyone else arrived except her. At a few minutes before ten, Mack announced that they could start boarding.
“What about Alexis?” Noah asked.
Liv and Mack shared a pitying glance.
“What?” Noah growled.
“She’s driving herself,” Mack said.
* * *
* * *
“You gonna be grumpy like this all weekend?”
Mack had the audacity to sound annoyed when he asked Noah the question two hours later. Once again, Noah found himself stuffed uncomfortably in the middle seat of a back seat as a chauffeur who picked them up from the airport drove them to the spa.
“Probably,” Noah admitted. “You could have warned me that Alexis wasn’t taking the plane with the rest of us.”
Mack shrugged. “I assumed you knew.”
The car slowed and pulled into the parking lot of a brick building. A sign near the driveway read OASIS DAY SPA. The woman at the reception desk blinked and swallowed hard when they walked in.
“Can I help you?”
Mack greeted her with one of his signature grins. “We have reservations under the name Mack. Bachelor party.”
The woman blinked again. “When I saw on the schedule that we had a bachelor party coming in today, I figured it was a mistake and someone just left off the -ette part.”
“Men need pampering too.”
She winked. “Saving the strip clubs for later, huh?”
Mack stiffened. “No strip clubs. I don’t like the idea of using my impending wedding as an excuse to sexually objectify women as if this is my last gasp of freedom.”
The woman cleared her throat. “Of course. My apologies.” She looked back down at her computer. “It says here you are each scheduled for a massage and a facial. Would anyone like to add a third treatment for a small upcharge?”
The Russian nodded. “I would like pedicure.”
Noah slapped his hand over the Russian’s mouth. “Nope. We’re all good.”
The Russian pouted. “My feet take beating in ice skates.”
“No one gets paid enough to touch your feet, dude.”
The woman stared unblinkingly for a moment before finding her voice again. “Right. Okay. Well, you gentlemen are all set. If you’ll follow me, I’ll show you to our changing room and lounge, where you can wait for your massage therapists.”
They followed her down a dark hallway covered in deep red wallpaper and lined with potted palms. Plush carpet absorbed their footfalls. The hallway formed a T at the end, where a table displayed a single orchid next to a bubbling tabletop fountain. The woman turned left, and they once again followed in a single-file line.
She paused outside a door on the left and spoke in a soft voice. “You can use any open locker,” she explained. “Clean towels and robes are folded on the bench in front of the lockers. When you’re ready, you can exit through the opposite door to the lounge. Help yourself to refreshments. Your therapist will meet you there.”
With one last skeptical look at the Russian, she turned and disappeared. Probably to warn whoever was unlucky enough to draw the short stick.
The locker room was only slightly more lit than the hallway and boasted the same dark red wallpaper. Incense burned on a sink-lined counter, and Noah’s nose immediately began to drip. Great.
The guys all jostled for a locker, and then, at the same time, grew quiet.
“Wait,” Colton said. “Are we supposed to shower first?”
“I don’t think so,” Mack said, but he sounded unsure.
“Haven’t you ever gotten a massage before?” Noah asked him.
“No.” He stared at the towel and robe in front of his locker.
“I feel like we should shower first,” his brother, Liam, said.
Noah shook his head. “Didn’t you guys shower this morning?”
“Yeah, but that was hours ago, and . . .” Mack gnawed his lip. “They’re going to be touching us.”
“Maybe someone should go ask that woman if we’re supposed to shower,” Del offered.
“No,” Mack hissed. “We’ll look like idiots.”
“We already look like idiots,” Noah said.
Mack looked around. “Seriously? None of us have ever done this before?”
Malcolm shrugged. “My massages have all been by athletic trainers.”
Del and Gavin nodded in agreement. “Same,” Gavin said.
Noah sat down on the bench in front of his locker. “Look, she didn’t say anything about showering, so I’m not showering.” He whipped his shirt over his head.
“Wait,” Colton breathed. “Shit. Are we supposed to be naked?”
“I . . . I don’t know,” Noah said. “I think so.”
“Like, bare-ass naked?”
“Wait,” Gavin said. “Thea gets massages a lot. Let me text her.”
The guys all waited as Gavin hammered out a text to his wife. A moment passed before he looked up. “She sent a laughing face emoji.”
“Does that mean of course you’re supposed to shower, dumbass, or . . .”
“I don’t know.” Gavin texted again, and, again, they waited for a response. He looked up. “She said no to a shower, unless you’re stinky.”
The Russian stuck out his bottom lip and grabbed a towel. “I will shower.”
“What about the naked part?”
Gavin texted the question. Then, “She said you can leave your underwear on if you want but most people get naked.”
Colton winced. “I sort of feel like the Russian shouldn’t be naked.”
Del looked panicked. “So we, like, just lie there with our balls in the wind?”
“I think they’ll put a blanket over us,” Noah said.
Now Gavin looked panicked. “What if we fart?”
Noah swallowed hard. “Does that happen?”
“She’s gonna be pushing on things,” Gavin said. “It could shake something loose.”
Del snorted. “That’s stupid. Do you accidentally fart during sex?”
There was a mixed chorus of nos and at least two yeses.
“Who the fuck said yes?” Mack demanded.
No one owned up to it.
“Oh shit,” Colton breathed.
They swiveled to look at him. He’d paled three shades.
“What?” Noah demanded.
He gulped. “What if we get wood?”
The silence in the room was tense and heavy.
“Does—” Noah swallowed. “Does that happen?”
Colton made an Are you kidding? face. “We’re going to be naked, and a woman is going to be touching us.”
“But it’s not that kind of touching.”
“Tell that to your dick,” Colton said.
Gavin hugged his torso. “I’d rather fart.”
“This is a mistake,” Del said. “Maybe we should be getting pedicures.”
“It’s too late now!” Mack said.
The Russian emerged from the shower with a towel twined atop his head. His robe was at least three sizes too small and barely covered him in front. One misstep, and they’d all be getting an eyeful of his balls.
He sniffed his arm. “I smell like flowers.”
“We’re going to be late,” Mack groaned. “Just get changed.”
Everyone began to shed their clothes and stuff them in their lockers. Noah debated a full five seconds before pulling his boxer briefs off. Fuck it. He was going full Monty. He donned the robe, tied it around his waist, and followed the guys into the lounge. The Russian made a beeline for the refreshments table. He grabbed two cucumbers from a tray, trudged to a recliner, kicked back, and set the cucumbers on his closed eyes.
Noah looked at Colton. “Are we supposed to do that?”
Colton shrugged. “If we were supposed to eat them, wouldn’t there be dip or something? Who just eats a slice of cucumber without, like, ranch dressing or something?”
“There are carrots, too, though,” Del said. “Where the hell are we supposed to put those?”
Noah dropped into a chair by the fireplace. A moment passed, and then Malcolm joined him.
“You okay?”
Noah stared into the flames. “Great.”
Malcolm clasped his hands between his knees and stared into the fire. “You figure anything out this week?”
“Yeah,” Noah laughed with no amount of joy. “I can’t live without her.”
“Is that all?”
“Isn’t that enough?”
Malcolm paused before answering. “I guess you’ll find out, won’t you?”