That about sums up my sexual past. There have only been a few guys and I was selective. I’m not a slut, I was opportunistic. Once and done, no strings attached, no apologies. I enjoyed all of them. But Gus was different. He wasn’t planned, but he’s also far from random. And this is somehow now about him. “Gus.” I wish he wouldn’t do this. He’s vilifying himself.
“No Bright Side, listen, you are so special. You deserve someone who takes you out on real dates. Someone who buys you flowers and shit. Because if there’s anyone in this world who’s capable of insane amounts of love and who deserves to be loved that way in return, it’s you.”
I shake my head. “I don’t do hearts and flowers, Gus.”
“When you find the right guy you will. You just haven’t found him yet.” His voice sounds sad.
Life has never afforded me time or opportunity to date. Friends and family have always been my priorities and I’ve loved them with my whole heart. Guys, sex, they were just a physical attraction, a physical act. With Gus it was more, it was love, but it wasn’t love. Love is an elusive, unrealistic, foreign concept. I know some people feel it and it’s not that I’m hardened. I’m an optimist, but first and foremost I’m a realist. My life will not follow a fairy tale, and that’s okay. My life is reality. And in my reality people don’t fall in love and get married and live happily ever after, because life is complicated. And messy. I’m happy knowing that fairy tales exist out there for people like Shelly. (Shelly would probably kick my ass if she knew I put her name and fairy tale in the same sentence.)
This time I hold my finger up to interrupt the moment. “Hold on a sec.” I stand and walk across the hall and knock on Clayton and Pete’s door, because right now I need to make Gus feel better.
Pete answers. “Hi Kate.”
“Hey Pete. Can you and Clay come over to my room? It’ll only take a sec.”
Pete looks to Clayton who’s concealed behind the door. Clayton’s voice chimes in. “Sure thing, honey.”
They follow me across the hall. Gus’s head is resting against the back of his chair and his eyes are closed. He’s halfway through a cigarette. He’s concentrating so hard on the calm that’s filtering through him that he doesn’t hear me re-enter the room.
“Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty.”
He smiles before he opens his eyes.
“I want to introduce you to two friends of mine.” I step aside so Gus can see Clayton and Peter.
Gus smiles as he takes them in. He’s clearly not as concerned for my safety anymore. They are the two least threatening guys you’ll ever meet and I’m fairly sure that resonates loud and clear, even across a computer screen. “What’s up dudes?”
Clayton waves and his cheeks flush. “Hello.” Oh shit, I may have just witnessed love at first sight. Gus isn’t wearing a shirt and he does look really good. Clayton’s practically hyperventilating. I feel like I should get him a paper bag or administer CPR. Does our dorm have a defibrillator?
Peter raises his left hand but looks confused and terrified at the same time. “Hi.”
I intercede and point to the screen. “This is my best friend, Gus Hawthorne. Gus, these are my Minnesota friends, Clayton and Peter.”
Clayton and Peter look panicked. I guess Gus is kind of intimidating. He’s tall and broad and muscular. He’s got this presence, that’s intimidating ... even on a computer screen. And when guys are as good-looking as Gus is, people seem either to want to challenge them, flirt with them, or cower in fear. Clay and Pete are definitely cowering, even though Clay still looks smitten. I guess Clayton and Peter don’t know it yet, but Gus is a big teddy bear.
Clayton and Pete suddenly trip over their words and talk over one another, saying, “It’s nice to meet you,” and, “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” They’re both so formal.
Gus smiles and I know he’s about to laugh, but he’s trying so hard to be polite. “Nice to meet you two as well.”
I clap my hands. “Okay, awesome, everyone knows each other. We’re all one big happy family.” I look at Gus. “Are you happy now?”
He’s wearing the biggest shit-eating grin. “You have no idea.”
I look back at Clayton and Pete. “Thanks for coming to meet Gus. I’ll be over as soon as I’m off this call.”
They both nod, speechless.
Gus is loving this. “You guys have a stellar evening and take care of my girl, okay?”
They nod in unison again, mouths slightly open, and follow each other back to their room, one looking just as confused as the other. Pete’s in awe and Clayton probably has a raging hard-on. Gus has this effect on people.
Gus claps his hands and bursts out laughing when he hears the door click shut. “Oh Christ, Bright Side, not that you don’t need to be on your guard, but you’re safe as houses with those two. I’m telling you, Pete is definitely not into role playing or S&M, but goddamn if I couldn’t stop myself from picturing the dude in leather chaps like you said. That’s some funny shit.”
I try not to laugh but I can’t help myself. Gus’s laugh is infectious. “I told you.”
“Seriously though, they did seem really decent.”
“That’s because they are. They’re good dudes.”
He smiles and nods. Then we’re quiet for several seconds.