“Do the stars have enough light for me?”
–Cuba
SEBASTIAN HAD SKILLS when it came to planning a party, I thought, checking out the white Hummer limo that drove us to the dance.
Besides me, several cheerleaders, Emma, Sebastian, April, and even Spider sat on the beige leather seats, sipping champagne. Well, except for Emma. No one seemed to notice that she sipped on bottled water.
Spider kept throwing back drinks from a flask he’d brought along. Periodically, I’d catch him glaring at me, and I’d glare right the fuck back, my fists itching to ram his face for throwing Dovey out. I downed a glass of Dom, pushing down the urge to pounce on him. Sebastian had wanted him here, so I allowed it. Barely.
Emma sat in the corner, wearing a loose pink dress although I couldn’t imagine she’d be big so soon. But what did I know about pregnant girls? Dark circles rimmed her eyes, and I knew staying with her cousin was wearing her thin. She kept waiting for her parents to change their minds, to let her come home, but so far they hadn’t.
Not until she was married or confessed her sins on their TV show, they’d told her.
Before everyone else had arrived for the limo, she’d told me she was ready to talk to the guys she’d been with tonight. “I want to get it out in the open,” she’d said. “And I need to know what he’s going to say.”
I didn’t have to ask which boy she meant.
We arrived at The Dorchester and made our way to the ballroom. Decorated by the cheerleaders with red and pink hearts and about a million balloons, it looked like most parties I’d been to. Meh. I really didn’t care. I wanted to get through this night, get Emma out in the open, and then just figure things out. Today in the library with Dovey kept replaying in my mind, and I wanted some time alone to process it all. When she’d walked out that door, her face had been set with acceptance.
Like she’d decided to let me go…forever.
My chest tightened as I gazed around at the paired-up couples, wishing she was here. I don’t know why. Oh, hell, I knew why.
Sebastian got all business like as he hopped on stage and checked the equipment he’d set up earlier in the afternoon. As he worked, his band showed up. Nora arrived with Teddy, the odd looking piano player I’d met over Christmas at Club Vita. Apparently, he had Asperger’s but could play like a maniac. He seemed like a cool dude.
Leo sauntered in behind Nora, his eyes lasered in on his one and only. Dude wore his heart on his sleeve when it came to her. Where ever she went, his eyes followed as if he couldn’t bear to not have her in his sights.
I wanted something like that. I wanted something hot and crazy and so good I couldn’t stand to be without her. Oh, wait. I’d had that with Dovey, but I’d screwed it up. Done. Over.
After a while, the band got cranked up. Spider strummed out an old Sting ballad and Sebastian’s raspy voice belted out the chorus. Their sound was kinda punk, kinda alternative, and pretty good. Sebastian mixed up the lyrics a bit to make it his own and I dug it. The girls went nuts, of course. I sat back in the corner, watching it all, thinking about everything.
About Cara and my mother.
About Dovey.
I hated my fucking life.
Emma came up to me as the band took its first break at ten o’clock. She’d sat at a table with other cheerleaders most of the night, but I’d noticed she’d barely spoken to anyone. Life was about to get tough for her, and perhaps it was sinking in.
“Let’s do it now,” she said, twisting her dress in her hands.
“Now? Why don’t we wait until the party’s over? Maybe meet up at my house.”
She shook her head. “I—I can’t stay any longer. It’s killing me seeing him here with someone else.”
She bit her lip, her eyes cutting across the room to a group of students who hung around the stage, waiting for the break to be over. Spider was there, laughing at some red-head who sat in his lap while Sebastian sat with April and a couple of other cheerleaders. Of course, April was all over him, wanting him for herself. Across from them, Matt had his hands all over a blonde chick with a bad rep.
I tapped my hand against my leg. “I say we wait until tomorrow. This isn’t the place.”
And then the tears came. “I’m dying inside, keeping it all in. And, I want him to be mine.” She wiped her cheeks. “And maybe, just maybe, this baby will bring us together.”
Oh. I didn’t think that scenario worked very often, but it was worth a shot.
She reached out to clasp my arm. “I wished it was yours. You’ve done so much for me...” her voice trailed off.
I studied her pretty features, the oval face, the golden highlights in her hair. She didn’t make my heart race. Never had. Thoughts of her body didn’t keep me up at nights or keep me in the shower until I’d spent. She wasn’t even close to Dovey.
She gave me a sad smile. “It’s that silly ballerina, isn’t it? She’s the one you really want.”
I shrugged.
“And I don’t understand why you can’t be with her. Because I think, maybe, she feels the same.” Her voice quavered at the end. And I knew it was a growing point for Emma, to say something in the interest of someone else. To admit she wasn’t the one for me.
How to explain why Dovey and I couldn’t be together? I didn’t want to go there.
And maybe I was ready to get this done so I could focus on my own mess.
“I guess we can talk to them in the lobby.” I’d noticed a small alcove out there on the way in that had looked private. “You ready?” I asked.