I peered up at him, feeling shame rise up in me, but then I saw him fumbling with his belt and shoving his pants down. His cock sprang free, already big and glistening at the tip. Warmth spread between my legs at the sight despite the soreness I was still feeling.
With his cock standing at attention, he moved closer. It was on eye level and I finally had an idea what he had in mind. Nerves fluttered in my stomach. I wasn’t sure if I could do it and if I’d like it at all. Growl didn’t give me much time for uncertainty though. He stopped right in front of me, his cock only a few inches from my face. He smelled clean and part of me wondered how he would taste. Growl had seemingly enjoyed what he’d done to me yesterday, especially my taste. I peeked up at him again.
His hand raked through my hair and came to rest on the back of my head. He pushed me forward lightly until my lips brushed his tip. This was wrong, wasn’t it? Growl saw nothing in me but a thing to give him pleasure. For a moment my instincts told me to lock my jaw, but then I let him slide into my mouth. He tasted slightly salty but not in a bad way.
Lust flashed in his eyes.
My own body flushed with elation, and a new wave of heat gathered between my legs. I shouldn’t want, shouldn’t enjoy this. This was wrong on so many levels but as Growl’s movements became harder, as his length slid in and out of my mouth faster, my hands grabbed his butt seemingly on their own accord. His muscles flexed under my fingers, hard and unrelenting.
His thrusts became jerky and then he released into me with a low groan. I had trouble swallowing around him but he didn’t stop pushing into me. He slowed gradually, still shuddering. His eyes met mine and I shivered. I tried to pull back but his hands kept me in place. After a moment, he slid his length out of my mouth inch by inch. It was still hard but smaller than before. He took a step back and my face became unbearably hot as shame washed over me at what he’d made me do, at what I’d done, even enjoyed doing. God. If my mother knew. If anyone knew. I knew what Trish and Anastasia would say about me. They’d call me a dirty slut. My conflicted emotions made me feel like I had a split personality.
Suddenly the taste of him made me feel dirty. I could hardly stop myself from spitting on the ground. Rough hands pulled me to my feet and flush against his body. Before I had a chance to react, he thrust his tongue into my mouth, tasting me, tasting himself.
My knees became weak as he explored my mouth. Didn’t he mind tasting himself? I thought men would find it disgusting. He sucked my lower lip into his mouth, then released it with a plop. “Your mouth tastes fucking perfect with my cum in it,” he growled.
Embarrassment washed over me again, but Growl knew no mercy. He thrust a finger into me and I gasped first from discomfort than something else, something incredible. He curled his fingers deep in me and I could feel nerve-endings inside of me I’d never felt before. Growl began sliding his fingers in and out slowly, and I was ashamed at how easy his path was, wet and hot and eager. Giving him pleasure had turned me on. Was that even normal to be that turned on by something so dirty? My forehead fell against his strong chest. I couldn’t hold it up anymore, couldn’t even stand on my own legs. The sensations held me in their stronghold. Growl’s thumb flicked over my nub of nerves, again on the edge of almost painful. My whole body reverberated with desire.
A cry sat on the tip of my tongue but I bit it back, pressed my lips against the rough fabric of Growl’s shirt. I could control the sounds I made, but my body shook with the wave of sensations crashing over it. Everything was quiet except for Growl’s and my rapid breathing. I swallowed, trying to make sense of what had just happened. But again Growl didn’t give me time to ponder. He released me and I almost lost my balance.
“I’ll order pizza. What do you want?” came his matter-of-fact question as he grabbed the phone.
I felt like someone had plunged me into water. Now that the pleasure was fading, guilt and shame and loneliness reared their ugly heads again. The brief moments of passion had made me forget what kind of arrangement this was, what kind of man Growl was. I was nothing more than his whore, cheaper than the ones he usually used in Falcone’s whore houses and unlike them I hadn’t even pretended to enjoy what he was doing. Stop it. You’re doing what’s necessary, I reminded myself.
I sank back down on the sofa. My legs were shaky and I felt drained, emotionally and physically. I needed to make a decision. Either I was going through with this and try to make Growl trust me that way, or I’d have to figure out a way to get out of this situation without him. No. I needed him.
“Cara?” Growl repeated. Hearing my name from his mouth always sent a shiver down my back,. That voice, so deep and rough. “What should I order for you?”
I shrugged. I didn’t care. Pizza was the last thing on my mind right now. It was obvious that Growl enjoyed being with me physically but on an emotional level I wasn’t getting anywhere. He always withdrew after sex. As if he couldn’t bear physical closeness after the actual act. I wasn’t sure how to change that. The worst was that I actually wanted to be close to him. The physical closeness of sex made me long for more closeness afterward.
Growl sighed. “I’ll get you tuna,” he said. “You need to eat enough or you’ll get sick.”
At least he was concerned about my physical wellbeing in a way. Though he was probably only looking after his possession. “I don’t think food will be the reason why I’ll get sick,” I muttered.