“He’s a good friend. Plus, I paid him. No, just kidding.” Hank the businessman hooks his thumb first toward the coffee shop then down the street. “I like coffee, but there’s a great ice cream shop around the corner that has birthday cake and blueberry ice cream this month. Any chance you want to go there instead?”
“Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
I slink against the wall like I can blend into it, but they’re only looking at each other as Hank, the man who wanted to date me, and Darla, the woman who dated Gabe, head to an ice cream shop to eat my favorite flavor.
They’re living their lives. Enjoying themselves together as they get to know each other. This feels like karma, only I’m not sure what to make of it. Is this a sign that I need to live my life? But which version of it?
I shake my head, trying to understand why I feel anything about these two people I hardly know.
Especially jealousy.
I’m a little jealous they’re dating.
That they’ve moved on. That they’re enjoying the next thing in their lives, having ice cream for lunch on a Saturday.
I go for a walk through the town square, calling Finley and telling her about the blind date I just witnessed, since she loves to hear romance tales that might inspire a TV episode.
“Ice cream dates have traditionally been known to lead to happily ever afters,” she remarks in her usual wry and chipper tone.
I try to laugh, but it sounds as empty as I feel. “I would like an ice cream date,” I say, a little sad. A lot sad.
“So go get one.”
But really what I want is the happily part. And the ever. And the after.
“That’s the thing. I’m not sure how to do that.”
She hums, like she’s thinking. “But maybe you do actually know.”
Do I though?
I say goodbye, then wander along the side streets, reflecting, thinking, till I wind up on a block where Perri’s been running traffic duty. I find her talking to a well-built guy with a left arm covered in ink. He’s straddling a motorcycle, his helmet in his hand.
She stares sharply at him. “I’m going to let you off with a warning this time. But do us all a favor and obey the law. Can you do that?”
He winks at her. “Anything for you.”
She points at the pavement. “Hit the road, mister. Before I decide to stop being the nice cop and write you a ticket instead.”
“Maybe I’ll see you around, nice cop.”
“Maybe you’ll be better off if you don’t.”
“A man can dream.” He takes off, the bike rumbling in his wake.
I close the distance to her. “Who’s that?”
“Someone who’s too hot for his own good.”
“Or for your good?”
“Ha. I’m immune to hot, inked men on bikes.”
“Right.” We both know there’s no vaccine for her on that count.
“What’s his name?”
“Derek McBride.”
“Hot name.”
“Hot name for a hot guy, but nothing will come of it.” She tilts her head, looks me over. “You okay?”
I heave a sigh. “I’ve been better.”
She rubs my shoulder briefly. “What’s wrong?”
I draw a breath, and my heart shakes. My voice wobbles. If I speak, I might cry. But I do it anyway, blurting out, “I’m in love with Gabe.”
She smiles sympathetically. “Oh, honey, I know.” She wraps me in a hug, petting my hair. “What are we going to do about it?”
I sniffle. “I don’t know. He doesn’t feel the same way.”
She jerks back, staring at me. “Are you sure? You told us what happened after you had sex, but do you really think he’s not in love with you too?”
I shrug, as a tear slinks down my cheek.
“Arden, you’re a smart girl, and I’d encourage you to review the signs.”
“Which ones?” I choke out. “The one where he said let’s do this again?”
“No. The last year of your life.”
The last year.
I let it flash before me, from the day on the trail, to when I brought treats to the firehouse a week later, to our first game of Words with Friends. I move on to other memories, from how he makes sure we spend time together, to his asking me to meet his pops, to the way he touched me in the elevator the other day. He even invited me to dinner with his parents. My God, he wants me to spend time with his family.
Most of all, I linger on the way he looked at me when I opened the door in burgundy lace.
Like he wanted me desperately.
But it was more than physical, wasn’t it?
I recall the fire in his eyes, how there was so much more than lust. He gazed at me like he wanted . . .
Do I dare to let myself believe this?
But it feels completely true.
He looked at me like he wanted all of me.
Like he wanted me the same way I want him.
I want him in all the ways.
And maybe, just maybe, he didn’t say it. After all, I didn’t speak my truth. I didn’t bare my soul for him and tell him he’s become my everything. Hell, I said, What if it doesn't work out? I didn’t even answer him. Maybe neither one of us said all that needed to be said.
Because our friendship isn’t worth risking for a few more fucks.
It is worth risking for something bigger. For something that might be everything.
My belief that I could keep him in the friends-only lane was foolish. Gabe Harrison infiltrated the romance zone as soon as we started our project, truth be told. Once we picked up Hedwig then talked about our turn-ons in the Garden of Eden, I felt that tug on both body and heart.
The pull only intensified, growing stronger the closer we became. Our sex-ploration made me fall for the man that had been right in front of me all along.
As I replay all the signs I missed, I do what I do best.
I plot. I plan.
I need to find a way to turn this new awareness into a best-laid plan.
43
Gabe
I heat up water for tea. “Remember that woman who came by the other day?”
My pops laughs. “The one you’re in love with?”
Yeah, he’s all here today.
“That’s the one.” I pour the hot water into a mug with a tea bag.
He winks. “She’s a pretty lady. And she has it bad for you too.”
“Does she?”
He nods sagely. “It’s not as if everything gets past me. Sure, some things do. But love? Little glances? I was a sly fox myself once, and I didn’t win Emily over by being obtuse about women.”
Laughing, I ask, “How did you win her over?”
He tuts, shaking his head. “Young people.” He motions for me to come closer.
I leave the mug on his kitchen counter to steep and join him on the couch.
“Closer.”
I scoot over, waiting to receive his wisdom.
He clasps a hand on my shoulder. “Put your heart on the line, young man.”
“But how? How should I do it?”
He huffs like he can’t quite believe whippersnappers today. “Just tell her you love her. That’s all you can do. If she’s going to toss you to the wind, she’ll toss you, but if you haven’t been clear, be clear. Back in my day, we didn’t futz around the way your generation does. When I knew I loved Emily, it was plain and simple. I spelled it out.”
And that’s when I know what to do.
But holy hell, it takes fucking forever.
44
Arden
“Just wear this. I bought it the other day.” Vanessa thrusts a Happy Days bag at me.
“You are an addict. You caved on the mint-green typewriter dress?”
She shakes her head. “Look inside. It’s for you.”
We’re at my house on Saturday night, getting ready. Because you can’t really prep to tell a man how you feel without your best girls by your side to help.
I peer into the bag, and my eyes pop. “No, you didn’t!”
“Yes, I did.”
“You are too much.” I brandish the simple periwinkle-blue skirt I checked out the other day, the one with cartoonish images of books on the fabric.
It’s short, and it’s me, and it’s not me trying to ape Vanessa’s style. I kick off my capri jeans and slide into the skirt, then find a simple white tank in my bureau and pull it on. I check out my reflection as Perri raises a glass of Chablis.
“Chablis. For when your best friend finally decides she’s going to go after her man.”
“I am most definitely going after my man,” I declare to myself and to my friends.
My man.
That’s what I want Gabe to be.
Excitement flares inside me, chased by nerves.
There are no guarantees. I don’t have a promise. We won’t have a written edict that we’ll remain friends. Nor do I know if his heart is banging as wildly for me as mine is for him.
But I’ll never know the answer until I try.
There’s no substitute for experience.
Some things in life you can’t charade your way through. You need to put your neck out.
If he says no, if I’m wrong about how he feels, then I’ll turn to my backup plan. To let him know he’s stuck with me as a friend. That even if he says see you later to a romance, I’m committed to staying friends with him, just like I was committed to thanking him that day a year ago when I brought him treats to the fire station. The man has seen me at my worst, and we became buddies. If we need to do it again, we’ll do it again.
But God, I hope he picks Plan A.
I turn around, showing them the outfit. “Does it meet your approval?”
Vanessa cheers. “It’s so cute.”
Perri points her glass at me. “You look fantastic.”
“I’m ready to go take a chance.” I toss a glance at Perri. “Speaking of chances, did you tell Vanessa about the guy you busted?”
Vanessa flicks out her tongue salaciously. “She did, and he sounded delish.”