Suddenly my door squeaked open and Mother Hailey stood there, smiling gently at me. She moved her long, light brown hair behind her shoulder.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, and Mother Hailey came and sat on the bed next to me and took my hands in hers. "You're sad all the time. Why, Eden?" Her gentle, blue eyes regarded me with concern.
I sniffled as another tear made its way down my cheek. "I watch you play with your boys and I . . ." I looked up into her kind, pretty face. "I guess I was just wondering, with so many boys, if maybe you . . . could use a girl?" My last word came out on a squeak and my cheeks heated. I knew I was far too old to be useful as somebody's child. I didn't even really know what I was asking her exactly. I felt the loneliness I'd lived with so long consume me.
But she squeezed my hands in hers and she seemed to understand what I was asking for, even if I didn't. "I've always wanted a girl. I love my boys, but, well, to have a girl would be just lovely." She stood up and clapped her hands together. "Well now, this is cause for celebration."
I grinned up at her and felt relief and happiness.
She took my hand and we went downstairs and I watched her as she prepared and cooked dinner, and for the first time since I was a little girl, I felt the love of family around me. I soaked it up like an overly dry sponge suddenly plunged into a sink full of water. Hailey and Hector's four boys raced around the large kitchen, laughing and playing, and Hailey hummed as she worked, shooting me smiles every once in a while.
As she peeled the potatoes, I asked her, "Mother Hailey, do you like being with Hector?"
She looked up at me. "Yes, Eden, he's a kind man if you're obedient."
"And if you're not obedient?" I asked, my cheeks heating as I studied Hailey. It's not that I planned on being disobedient, it was just I had so many hopes and dreams, and I didn't know what I'd do with those once I knew for sure they could no longer come true. Could I simply pack them away in my mind, like old clothes meant to be handed down to someone else? Did Hailey have hopes and dreams that were her own, too?
Hailey stopped peeling and looked up at me, a concerned look replacing the gentle one that had been there a moment before. "Eden, you must always be obedient. You of all of our people. You have an entire family depending on you. The foretelling is the key to our salvation and you are at the center of it. I know you understand that."
I nodded. Yes, I understood. It was the only thing I had been educated on since the day I left my home with Hector. That and my music. But in my room alone, I daydreamed. I allowed my mind to wander in ways that were far from obedient.
My days after that were filled with the first real happiness I'd known since I had arrived. I spent the mornings playing with Jason, Phineus, Simon, and baby Myles and the afternoons reading from the Holy Book—a compilation of the teachings and foretellings of the gods, as spoken to Hector. Then I would practice the piano in the early evening as I continued my real full-time job, which was daydreaming about Calder Raynes.
It was now easier for me to sneak out and leave butterscotch candies for him, and so I ramped up my efforts. Calder had a belly full of sugar those first few weeks.
But it was on my way back to the lodge, right next to the field where Calder had first called me “morning glory,” that I saw him bending over a girl to help her with something on the wooden table where she was sitting.
She said something and glanced back at him and he leaned his head back and laughed like it was the funniest thing anyone had ever said in the history of life on earth.
Red-hot jealousy spiked down my spine and I stopped in my tracks and simply stared as my heart clenched with pain.
Longing shot through my body, so powerful, I actually jolted where I was standing. My face felt hot and I was slightly dizzy, but I couldn't look away.
The girl laughed, too, glancing over her shoulder at him and shrugging innocently.
Calder straightened up, and the girl turned around, and that's when they both caught sight of me, standing there like a big, dumb fish with my mouth in an O, my face filled with heat, gawking rudely at them.
Embarrassment overcame me as I turned and ran as fast as I could back to the main lodge.
When I got there, I slammed the door behind me and stood against it, trying to catch my breath and calm my racing, hurting heart. I'd never have him. He'd never be mine—not even his laughter.
Mother Hailey came into the room and saw me. "Eden, I've been looking for you. Did you leave the lodge?"
I just stared at her, unable to form words right at that moment. "Uh . . ."
Mother Hailey pursed her lips and then sighed. "Eden, you mustn't leave the main lodge. Hector forbids it. I'm to watch you and check on you often during the day." She paused. "Of course, I have to give the boys their lessons from noon to two every day, and it's easy to get distracted with those four, that's for sure." Then she winked at me and left the room.
I stood there for a minute digesting her meaning, and although anguish still clawed at my heart, I let out a surprised breath. It was the first hint at freedom I'd had in over five years.
CHAPTER FOUR
Calder
The small amount of water at the bottom of the jugs on my shoulders sloshed as I made my way down the steep slope. I usually carried smaller containers in a pack, but today I needed extra. Helen Whitney was in labor and the midwives required plenty of the holy water in the birthing tent to assist in a healthy delivery.