“Please.” I don’t know if I’m asking him to kiss me or stop what he’s doing, but the second the word leaves my mouth, his comes down on mine, possessing me with his kiss. I let go, completely drowning in him and his taste. My hands go to his long hair, gripping it between my fingers.
I whimper into his mouth as his other hand skims the underside of my breast. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want him. He makes me feel again—something I haven’t done in a long time. Something about him makes me want to open up, but the part of me that clicked into place to protect myself when they took my son was so strong I didn’t know if anyone would be able to get to the real me again.
“Every time I get my mouth on you, you melt,” he says against my lips when he pulls his away from mine. “I know you’ve been hurt.” I close my eyes, turning my face away from him. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I won’t stop until I have you.”
I shake my head. He turns my face back towards him, placing a soft kiss on my forehead then my lips before lifting me off him, setting me back in my seat, pulling my seatbelt around me, and buckling me in place. We drive in silence for a long time. I don’t know what he’s thinking, but all I can think about is what would happen if I gave him a chance. Then I wonder if Link told him what happened to me.
“Have you talked to Link about me?” I ask, looking over at him. I don’t like the idea of him learning things about my history from someone else.
“To be honest with you, he offered to tell me about you.” He looks over at me, his hand coming to my thigh and giving it a squeeze before his eyes go back to the road. “I want you to be the one to tell me. I want you to trust me with whatever it is that has forced you to put up those barriers around yourself.”
I let out a long breath, one I didn’t know I was holding.
“I want you to come to me, Autumn,” he says softly.
Those words make my heart break a little. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to go to anyone ever again. I close my eyes and fight back the tears that’ve started stinging my nose. When we get to the house, he says a quiet goodbye, telling me that he has some business to take care of. I nod, go into the house, and straight up to my room, where I crawl into bed, pulling the pillow over my head so I can cry.
Chapter 5
Done, I’ll Give Her Crazy
(Oops, did I do that?)
“We have a Life Flight coming in,” Tara says, coming into the room where I’ve been taking care of a patient. I automatically stop what I’m doing and follow her. “Derik has already started getting things ready. The victim is a young male suffering head trauma,” she says as we hurry into the emergency room.
As soon as the helicopter lands on the roof, Tara and Derik are out of the room, meeting it, while I stay behind and make sure we have enough supplies and everything is in order. When they arrive at the room, my world feels like it closes in around me. A little boy no older than ten is strapped to the gurney. His neck is in a brace, his face is cut and swollen, and his head is bandaged, blood seeping through the white gauze they’ve used to protect the wound. All I can see is my son. He would be about as old as the boy is. My brain tries to tell my body to move, but I can’t. I’m glued to the floor.
“Autumn, I need you to come over here and help me transfer him,” I hear Derik say, but all I can do is stare.
“Autumn!” Tara shouts, and my eyes go to her as she shakes her head and then nods towards the young boy, asking me a silent question. I shake my head in response.
“Autumn, I need you to pull it together. We need to help this little guy get better,” Derik says gently.
My eyes go to him and I swallow the bile in the back of my throat, turning my emotions off before I start to work on autopilot. For the next twenty minutes, we do everything we can to help save the boy before he is taken into emergency surgery.
“What happened in there?” Tara asks, sitting down next to me on the bench outside of the emergency room.
I shake my head before looking over at her. “I have a son.” I close my eyes before opening them again. “I had a son,” I whisper, correcting myself bitterly. “I put him up for adoption when he was just hours old.” I look down at the floor, seeing small drops of blood on the tops of my shoes. “He would be about the age of that little boy. I’m so sorry I freaked. I…” I take a breath, closing my eyes. “I’ve never even thought about something like this happening.” I feel an arm go around my back and Tara’s head lean against my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
I nod as tears fill my eyes. I never once thought I would have to help a child. I’m so stupid. “All I could think about when I saw that boy was my son lying there.”
“Honey,” she moans painfully, making me bite the inside of me cheek. Taking comfort from people is something new to me. Hell, having someone care enough about me to comfort me is something new to me.
“I think I need to leave for the night,” I tell her when I feel tears begin to fall from my eyes. “I’ll see if I can get someone to come in. I just don’t think I’m going to be a lot of help right now.” I breathe through my tears.
“Rach needs hours. She’ll come in. I’ll give her a call now,” Tara says softly.
“Thank you,” I whisper, wiping my face. I never cry in front of people. I was never allowed to show emotion like that. One of my mother’s favorite sayings was, “If you want to cry, I will give you something to cry about,” and she often kept her word.