Home > Slow & Steady (Alphas Undone #2)(11)

Slow & Steady (Alphas Undone #2)(11)
Author: Kendall Ryan

I turned off the engine, stepped out, and saw him idling in the middle of the narrow lot. I almost wanted to wave goodbye. Almost.

He finally roared away when I shut the front door behind me. I walked through my silent apartment, finding the babysitter asleep in the armchair. I shook her shoulder to wake her and handed her some of the cash I’d just made. And then she was gone, and I was alone again. I breathed in the thick, musty stillness as I slipped off my shoes.

I crept into the bathroom to wash my face, but something made me pause just before I turned on the water. I stared blankly into the mirror. The remnants of the makeup I wore for every shift was left, and I knew the customers loved it. But in that moment, my face struck me as a grotesque mask. Bloody lips, porcelain skin, cartoonish lashes, eyeliner and shadow smeared into bruise-blue raccoon circles. This wasn't me. This was barely even a woman. This was a...plaything.

My insides tightened, all the way from my stomach to my throat. My eyes burned from more than the makeup. What was I doing here? Who was I? What had my life become?

Stifling a sob, I hurried into Maple's nursery. I needed the comfort of her sweet little snores, her clean milky smell, the sight of her tiny hand curled in her mouth. Some reminder that I wasn't really as alone as I felt. Some reassurance that everything—the grief, the long hours, the lack of sleep, the humiliation—would all be worth it in the end.

But it wasn't enough. I sank down beside her crib and cried as quietly as I could. I hated myself for surrendering to hysteria like this. I hated how deep Grey's stormy eyes always saw into my soul. I hated the fact that he might be the only man in the world who could understand me. The only other person who ached so much over the same loss.

Chapter Five

Greyson

It had been a long fucking day. Between lack of sleep after I’d escorted Finley home in the middle of the night, to dealing with a tough assignment at work all day, I was ready for a drink. Arriving home, I tossed my keys and cell phone onto the kitchen counter and made my way straight to the dark walnut and leaded glass liquor cabinet. I’d bought this thing from an estate sale and restored it myself, sanding and staining the wood and replacing the old cracked glass. Now it held expensive bottles of various liquors that I rarely indulged in. But days like today? You bet your ass I’d be enjoying at least a few.

Dropping a couple of ice cubes into the bottom of a tumbler, I added a long pour of Glenmorgie. It wasn’t the world’s best Scotch – by far – but it was what my dad used to drink when he was still alive, and something about the golden bottle and the stiff, smoky aroma conjured up pleasant memories.

My house, while it was quiet and tidy, felt lacking. Ignoring the strange feelings stirring inside me, I settled down onto the couch and flipped on the TV just for some background noise. Then I took a calming sip of my drink.

I'd bought this house within a week of retiring from the SEALs. It was too big for just a bachelor, but the two-story brick structure with its wide front porch made a statement. I hadn't put too much thought into it; tired of moving around, I'd just wanted somewhere permanent, so I'd let my gut choose this place for me. At the time, with military life fresh in my memory, this house had felt right. I wasn’t going anywhere, wasn’t going to spend anymore sleepless nights on a cot in the desert with a loaded gun at my side, and there was comfort in that.

But as I sat here now, I realized that my once-refuge was too quiet, even with the TV blaring. It was too big and empty. It was strange how I felt more comfortable in Finley’s tiny apartment filled with laughter and squeals than I was in my own home.

Finley... I took another sip of whiskey, larger this time. I both wanted and didn't want to think about her. The tangle of pain that tied us together.

To all outside appearances, I’d moved on. I'd retired from the military, bought a house in a quiet suburb north of Dallas, started working as a consultant for a private security firm run by my former commander. I had settled into a picture-perfect civilian routine. But actually getting on with my life - forgiving myself for what happened, finding pleasure in my newfound freedom? I wasn’t there yet. And now, knowing how Finley was living, letting go of the past just wasn’t an option.

The memories of her that had been etched into my brain needed to change. All I saw when I looked at her was the way she'd looked at the funeral, screaming and sobbing, the tears of anger and desperation sliding down her cheeks. I wanted to paint over that memory with something more positive. Like watching her with her daughter. Marcus would’ve been wrapped around his little girl’s finger. Didn’t matter that he was a two-hundred pound SEAL—Maple had a way about her.

I could tell then that Finley had been pregnant. Maybe it was a sixth sense. Maybe it was the way her hand absently went to her belly. Whatever it was that cued me in, I'd looked closer, and seen the slight swell under her black wrap dress that had never been there before. She obviously wasn’t telling people yet, so I hadn’t said anything. I figured it was either too early to share the news, or just that the somber occasion wasn’t the place she wanted to do it.

Shit, looking back now, I realized that she'd been just barely pregnant, yet already holding her almost-flat belly. Protectively, fearfully, in a silent show of worry for the difficult life ahead of her. She'd known exactly how hard single motherhood would be. No time to grieve and find closure—her attention had been forced towards the future. I’d never pieced that all together before now. Just another reason why I was determined to make sure she wouldn’t have to go it alone.

   
Most Popular
» Nothing But Trouble (Malibu University #1)
» Kill Switch (Devil's Night #3)
» Hold Me Today (Put A Ring On It #1)
» Spinning Silver
» Birthday Girl
» A Nordic King (Royal Romance #3)
» The Wild Heir (Royal Romance #2)
» The Swedish Prince (Royal Romance #1)
» Nothing Personal (Karina Halle)
» My Life in Shambles
» The Warrior Queen (The Hundredth Queen #4)
» The Rogue Queen (The Hundredth Queen #3)
romance.readsbookonline.com Copyright 2016 - 2024