Even an idiot could tell what Daniella was waiting for. She wanted me to get up, grab her arm, drag her into her bedroom, tie her up, spank her ass raw, and fuck her until she screamed. But the thought just didn’t appeal right now. Even though I could feel her nipples through her shirt, piercings and all, my cock resolutely stayed limp.
“I don’t know,” I finally said. I don’t know anything.
All of a sudden, I felt very tired. I’d taken that Oklahoma City job to clear my head, but half a week away from these two women hadn’t helped at all. Thoughts of Lacey had kept distracting me. In the middle of reviewing witness depositions or analyzing CCTV footage, I’d catch myself wondering what she was doing. Wishing I could spend time with her—not necessarily having sex, but definitely not in a “just friends” way, either. And then that weird moment in bed tonight . . . lying on our sides facing each other, staring into her hooded eyes as we came apart together.
“You don’t know? What does that mean?” Daniella’s hands paused on my shoulders. “Are you saying you’re not up for it?”
Shaking my head, I shrugged. “Sorry—”
“No, it’s okay,” she said, cutting me off as she stepped back. “How did your mission go?”
“I don’t do ‘missions’ anymore. But it went fine—no real hiccups.” Sutton bumped his head into my leg, grumbling for attention, and I reached down to scratch behind his ears.
When I didn’t elaborate, Daniella nodded in resigned acknowledgment. “Well, that’s always good to hear.” She paused for a moment before asking, “You’re still taking me to the Nurses’ Ball, right? It’s this Thursday.”
“Of course . . . I remember. My tux is at the cleaner’s, but I’ll be ready.” I always followed through on my commitments. Always.
She smiled, and I felt myself relax a bit. Seeing that smile was important to me. I’d nursed her back to health after a massive broken heart.
“Don’t freak out, but I had an idea,” I started. It was something that had been stewing in the back of my mind for the last few weeks, and I wanted to hear what she thought.
“What?” She raised one brow in curiosity.
“What if I took you back to the club?”
After her ex dumped her, Daniella had stopped visiting the local BDSM club they’d once frequented together. That disappearing act had hurt a lot of her friendships. It pissed me off to watch Daniella isolate herself like this. Her ex had been the asshole here, but she was the one being punished. Even two years later, she was still too afraid of running into him to go where she damn well pleased.
She frowned, taking a step back. “Why? Because you’re trading me in for Lacey?”
“What? No, of course not. It’s because you’re stronger now. I thought you might be ready to take that kind of step again.”
“I have no interest in that, Nolan. Being here with you is as close to perfect as I’ve ever had.”
With just those few simple words, she tugged on my heart. I really was her savior. “It was just a suggestion.”
Her hands came to rest on my hair. “I have everything I need right here. Are you sure you don’t want to . . .”
“Not tonight.” The words felt like acid on my tongue. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?
She stepped back again and stretched hard, squeaking as her back popped. “Then I think I’m going to take a nap before dinner. Holler if you need anything.” She headed to her bedroom—obviously planning to spend some quality time with her vibrator.
But then she stopped in her tracks. “Nolan?”
“Yeah?” I turned my head to see her staring at me from halfway down the hall.
“Could she ever . . . change what we have?”
Her voice was so sad, her eyes so dark. Sympathy squeezed hard inside me.
“No. Never,” I heard myself say. “You know I’m never going to settle down with a wife and kids.” I smiled at her to tell her it was the absolute truth. “That’s not me, babe.”
She grinned back. “I know that. You’re like a wild horse. Roaming free, not meant to be tied down.”
“Exactly.”
“You’re always going to want a sub on the side.”
I didn’t say anything else. What could a man say to that? I just watched Daniella head to her bedroom, until I heard the door click shut behind her.
Looking back down at Sutton, I cupped the dog’s jowls and stared into his saggy brown eyes.
What the fuck was going on here? This wasn’t the first time I’d turned down Daniella, but before, it had always been for some concrete reason. I was nursing a hangover, had to get up early the next day, whatever.
I still wasn’t sure why I didn’t want Daniella right now. Why my thoughts kept returning to Lacey, like iron filings drawn by a magnet. Why I felt a strange gnawing that I couldn’t put my finger on—a nagging sense of unreality.
As a Navy SEAL, I’d suffered through blood, sweat, and tears. I’d escaped from six years of hell and built the life I’d always wanted. Easy pleasures. Good friends, good sex, good whiskey. A laid-back, well-paying job where I could come home to my own bed every night.
Right now, though, all those hard-earned rewards were starting to feel insubstantial. But what more did I want out of life? What more was there? The only thing that quieted this strange dissatisfaction was . . . thinking about Lacey.