I should have slowed down.
Listened to the worried wisdom that my gramma had tried to give.
She nudged me, forcing me to sit up and look at her.
Through bleary eyes, I gazed at the woman who’d always been my everything.
My rock.
My anchor.
She brushed her knuckles down the side of my face with her weathered hand, which bore spots of age but possessed more love than should be possible.
“You listen to me, girl, and you listen good. Not for a second were you ever a burden to us. When we lost your mama, we were crushed in a way that I wasn’t sure either me or your grandpa were gonna survive. But she left behind the most precious sort of gift. This tiny baby girl who filled our lives with more love and blessings than either of us could have imagined.”
In emphasis, her head tipped to the side, gaze penetrating to make sure that I understood. “I’m your family, and you’re mine. There’s no shame in leaning on each other in times of need. You weren’t a burden then, and you aren’t a burden now. Not you or your children.”
She turned up my chin. “And my time is coming, sweet girl. I’m going to need you to take care of me. That’s what we do. We take care of each other. So, don’t you dare sit there thinking you were trouble then or that you’re trouble now. You’ve always done the best that you could, and you did it with love the whole way. You work harder than anyone I know. You love harder than anyone I know. Put those two things together, and you’re unstoppable.”
A tear slipped free, and my chest expanded as she continued to speak. “You might have settled then? But you’re not gonna settle now. You fight for it with all that love shining inside of you, and I promise you, it’s all gonna turn out right.”
“How do you know?” I whispered, searching for that hope when the vacancy cut so deep while my children were away. The terror of what my life would be like without them in it. When everything felt like a losing battle.
“Because there are some things in the world that are just too right for them to go wrong.”
I wanted to believe her. But I’d experienced enough horrible things to know life wasn’t that simple.
She smiled, her blue-gray eyes so full of belief and love. “I got my gift when I needed it most. When I was sure there was no chance of survival. You’ve got one coming, too. I can feel it.”
“I hope so, Gramma. I hope so.”
But even I wasn’t fool enough to believe that every gift didn’t come with a cost.
Sixteen
Ian
At just before five p.m., I strode into Lawrence’s office, which was two miles from mine. He was behind his desk, puffing at a cigar and talking on the phone.
“I need to call you back,” he said, dropping the receiver into the cradle where it sat on his desk.
“Why don’t you come in?” he offered sarcastically.
I didn’t pause, didn’t wait, I just moved for his desk. I set my briefcase on top of it, clicked it open, and pulled out the documents. I slammed them down onto the wood. “Three sets. These will be the last.”
Laughing, he rocked back in his executive leather chair, looking at me like he thought I was cute.
I had the intense urge to smack the smugness from his face.
“Oh, Ian, you were always such a defiant boy. I do hope you realize it’s my favorite thing about you. When I found you, you were nothing but an angry, bitter kid with nothing to lose.”
But that was the problem. He knew that now I stood to lose everything.
“And you should know that I’m no longer anything like that boy.”
A dark chuckle, and he rocked forward, stubbing his cigar into an ashtray and slowly shaking his head. “There are some things that can’t be unbred. They just evolve. Become something bigger and badder and darker. You’ve become exactly the type of man I knew you’d be all along. It’s time you stop denying who you are. The man you are.”
“And what kind of man is that?”
“Wicked. Corrupt. All the way to the core. Men like us will do whatever is required of us. That’s why you belong with me. The way you always have. I’m not entirely sure why you’ve decided to fight this now.”
He wasn’t wrong. I was corrupt, all the way to my soul. Still, there was something that stirred in that ugly pit, something rejecting all of this. I pointed at the documents. “Because one day that is going to ruin both of us.”
A smile pulled at the corner of his mouth. “No, Ian, that is where you’re wrong. It isn’t. Because I won’t let it. My connections are greater than you know, and it’s time you stopped questioning my power. It’s time for you to step up. Stand at my side in this business where you belong.”
He kept spouting that ridiculous shit. Like I was actually going to join him. Set aside my goals for him. He was delusional.
My jaw clenched, and I jabbed at the stack of papers I’d set on his desk. “I want to know where this money is coming from and where it’s going.”
What the fuck he was actually involved in. At first, he had me on a bunch of bank accounts. Making transfers for him. I assumed he was moving money around, evading taxes and shit like that, details I didn’t want to know about.
But, lately, I had felt myself getting dragged into something that went too deep. Dark, dark waters climbing higher and higher until I was swallowed. Sucked to the bottom.
Lawrence scoffed. “Since when do you think you get to ask the questions?”
“Since you put me in this position.”
“You’d do well not to worry about it.”
I huffed out a biting sound. “Don’t worry about it? That’s your solution?”
“You don’t actually think your concerns have any bearing on my business, do you?” Arrogance seeped from him. Ancient and thick and callous.
Rage pulled across my chest, old, old pain mixed up with that emotion Grace had managed to evoke in me. It was something brutal and wild and confusing.
Maddening.
I pressed my palms flat on his desk and leaned in his direction. “I think you might be underestimating me. You might think I’m that same kid you pulled out of the gutter and dusted off. But I wasn’t going to become him, whether you came along or not. No one controls me. Not ever. I’ve helped you because you helped me. But be clear, I won’t stand aside and let you destroy what I’ve built.”
I pushed off the desk, grabbed my briefcase, and headed for the door.
When the low threat hit me from behind, I stopped, not looking his way but tucking his words away deep in my chest. Where they could grow and fester, and the hatred I’d started to feel could expand.
“I could ruin you with the snap of my fingers, boy. Make you disappear with a simple call. Don’t make me go that far. Not when I actually like having you around. I’d hate to lose the asset.”
Asset.
Bitter laughter bounced against his walls.
I’d once looked up to him like he was the father I never had.
From over my shoulder, I looked back at him. No fear raced my veins. No hesitation. The fucker had no idea the threats I’d endured. The blows and the punches and the pain. “Don’t think I would hesitate to do the same. Come after me, old man, and I promise, you’ll regret it.”
I walked out without looking back, his door slamming shut behind me and my heart clawing at my chest. I flew past his secretary without a word and stumbled out onto the sidewalk in front of his building.
Guilt unlike I’d felt in years crawled beneath the surface of my skin.
Worst part was knowing it was the girl who’d gotten there. Sinking and seeping and making me contemplate things I couldn’t keep.
Agitation sped, muscles twitching. Anger and hostility seethed through my veins.
I was so sick of this bullshit.
Being someone’s puppet.
I’d promised myself I’d live for myself. Then I’d gone and earned myself another debt.
Worse than that?
I couldn’t get Grace off my mind. Couldn’t scrape her from my skin. Couldn’t evict her from the crack she’d found in my mangled heart.
I was . . . worried. Was that what this bullshit was? I guessed I’d been since that first night I’d seen her. The girl whipped something up inside me that shouldn’t be possible.