When the meal was finished, Josie and I washed dishes while Jack set up Yahtzee, a game he enjoyed. We played for an hour and Jack won both games. We might have stayed longer if Jack hadn’t pointedly yawned, indicating that he was ready for us to go. While Josie put the game away, I grabbed my coat and then helped her into hers. After saying good night to Jack, we left together.
I offered Josie my arm and she took it as we strolled toward the lodge. For the first few minutes we were both silent, and then we started to speak at the same time.
“I wanted—”
“I’m sorry about the sword—”
“You first,” I said, and gestured with my hand for her to speak.
“I was about to say how much I enjoyed spending time with you this afternoon.”
Thinking about the kisses we’d shared and the books we’d discussed reminded me how empty my life would feel once she returned to Seattle. I didn’t allow myself to dwell on that. “Me, too.”
“It’s been a good day. I especially liked getting to know Angie better.”
“You mentioned that you had a nice visit with her this afternoon.”
Josie nodded and looked down at her boots, appearing to have more to say. “Angie told me how she and Steve met and how they stayed in touch once she went back to college.”
I knew the story well, having been friends with Steve for years.
“I’m hoping…” she said and paused. “What I’m trying to say is that when I go back to Seattle it doesn’t need to be the end for us.”
My spirits rose. “I know I don’t want it to be.”
She looked toward me, her face glowing in the moonlight. “You’ll keep in touch?”
“Sure. Will you?” She had to do her part. This couldn’t all be one-sided.
“Of course. Be patient with me, though. I’m going to have a lot of responsibilities at Chez Anton.”
“The name of the restaurant is Chez Anton?”
To my surprise, Josie giggled.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“Just now. You said Chef’s name like you were sucking on a lemon. What is it with you and him? Ever since you admitted to looking him up online, you’ve been sort of weird about him.”
She was right. I didn’t realize I’d been so open in my dislike and distrust of the other man. “Yeah, well, he can offer you more than I ever could.”
“All he’s offering me is a job, Palmer. It isn’t like we’re romantically involved.”
Not yet, you mean, I added silently to myself.
We neared the lodge and I looked at Josie. She glanced up at me, her eyes connecting with mine, the moonlight shining down on us both. For one crazed moment I was caught up in her beauty and found it impossible to breathe.
“I leave soon,” she whispered.
I was happy to hear the regret in her voice. “Next Friday,” I stated, already dreading the day.
Josie wrapped her arm around my mine and leaned her head against me all the way back to the lodge. We continued walking slowly until we reached the lodge steps.
“I’m going to miss you something awful,” she whispered.
I thought I heard her voice crack. I was about to take her in my arms and assure her that the feelings were mutual when she broke away, hurried inside, and closed the door.
Shocked, I stood outside as large snowflakes started to fall. I would miss her, too, something awful.
CHAPTER 8
Josie
In the time that followed the dinner with Jack and Palmer, I’d spent nearly every spare minute with Palmer. Because he needed to work on the commission for the sword, I left him to himself in the mornings. At noon I brought him lunch and the two of us would sit and eat together. We talked and laughed, and before I knew it half the afternoon was gone.
Although I didn’t have a lot of experience with men, I’d never met anyone who made me as comfortable as Palmer did. He shared stories about his father, who had worked for a military contractor in Alaska, traveling all over the world, while the family had stayed behind in a town about a hundred miles north of Fairbanks. In addition to bringing souvenirs back for Palmer and his sister, Alicia, he’d tell them tales from his travels in Lebanon, Jordan, and Italy, to name only a few. As an adult, Palmer had been content to remain in Alaska, although he’d worked briefly in the Aleutian Islands before settling in Ponder. His parents had retired in Anchorage but continued to travel. Alicia, older than Palmer by two years, had married, started a family, and settled down in Fairbanks. From what I could tell, Palmer and his sister were close.
We spent the evenings in his cabin, each of us reading, content simply to be together. Palmer was well read, and we often discussed the books we were reading, but we didn’t need lengthy conversations to communicate. If you didn’t know us, you’d have thought we were an old married couple, so attuned to each other that words weren’t necessary. When he walked me back to the lodge at night, he would take me in his arms and kiss me until my knees grew weak and I clung to him. Every night it was harder and harder to let him return to his cabin alone.
Deep down I knew Palmer was wishing that I’d have a change of heart and remain in Ponder. He’d never asked me again, though, and I appreciated that he didn’t, because, quite frankly, I didn’t know if I could refuse him a second time. Leaving Ponder loomed on the horizon, and I knew without question that I would need to go.
I was tempted to stay.
So tempted.
But I feared if I did that one day, I’d look back on my life and regret it. I would remember that decision and ask myself where my career might have taken me if I hadn’t given up this opportunity. The desire to pursue my dreams outweighed the temptation.
The remaining days before Sawyer was due to arrive passed far too quickly. I’d begun crossing them off on the calendar in my room. I stared at the one blank space left before the ski-plane was scheduled to land on the now frozen lake. My suitcase was ready, my drawers empty. My flight arrangements from Fairbanks into Seattle had been rebooked. Mom was counting the hours until she could hug me again.
My own feelings were mixed. I longed to get back to Seattle with the same intensity that I desired to stay in Ponder. One minute I was convinced I couldn’t leave Palmer, and the next I was equally determined to go.
For my final night, Angie and Steve invited Jack, Palmer, and me for a farewell dinner and party. My mood, as I dressed for this final evening with my friends, was anything but festive. I sniffled as I reached for my coat to walk to the Wilkersons’ cabin, unsure how I was going to manage to get through the evening without breaking into tears.
When I left the lodge, I found Palmer pacing back and forth across the lodge porch, his fists bunched at his sides.
“Palmer?”
He stopped abruptly and whirled around to face me. “You ready?”
“Palmer, are you okay?”
He exhaled and slowly nodded. He didn’t tell me what was eating at him, but I knew. He, too, hated the thought of me leaving come morning, but neither of us spoke of it, not wanting to make this any more difficult than it already was. He forced a grin and I struggled to hold back tears. I refused to let my emotions take over—otherwise, the entire evening would be ruined. No way was I going to get all maudlin in front of my friends.
Palmer must have read the agony in my eyes, because he brought me into his arms and hugged me, holding me close and tight like he never wanted to release me.
“It’s going to be okay,” he said, reluctantly letting me go.
“No, it isn’t,” I replied. “This is killing me, Palmer. You made me fall in love with you, and now I’m miserable.”
“We’ve talked about this, Josie. You’ll go to Seattle, work with Chef Allen.”
He grinned as he said the name, teasing me.
“And we’ll figure everything out from there,” he continued.
“You’ll come visit?” I knew he intended to deliver the sword to the East Coast sometime in December, and that seemed the perfect time for a layover in Seattle.
He hesitated and then nodded.
Tossing my arms around his neck, I rose on the tips of my toes to kiss him. Despite my best effort to hold back my tears, I sniffled. “Thank you.”