The notion of watching her walk out the door and never talking to her again, seeing her parading around the halls at school with that pencil dick boyfriend, sends a fire through my veins unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
This woman—this young woman—is everything I never knew I wanted in another person, everything I never knew was possible to have.
And I want her.
I want her so fucking bad it’s unreal.
“Halston.” I move toward her with steady, confident strides. “You have it all wrong.”
She rolls her eyes. “You’re all talk, Kerouac. It’s all you’ve ever been and all you’ll ever be. I know that now.”
Cupping her face, I realize this is the first time I’ve ever touched her—really touched her. I let my palm linger, my thumb running over her pillowed lips.
“I’d give anything to kiss you right now,” I say, my voice a remorseful whisper. My heart thrums at a dangerous pace, the distance between our mouths closing.
But I won’t kiss her.
I can’t.
Her green eyes are lost in mine, holding for what feels like an eternity. Her scent fills the space between us, soft and wild at the same time. I’m seconds from telling her I’ll wait for her, that there’ll be a day when we can be together—until her mouth grazes mine.
Halston kisses me, pressing her lips into mine harder, slinking her arms over my shoulders and rising on her toes. For a brief moment, I lose myself, relishing in this kiss like it’s the only one that’s ever mattered in my life.
And then I push her away.
“Why the fuck did you do that?” I’m seething, jaw clenched and shoulders rising and falling with each breath.
“Wh-what?” She’s somewhere between laughing and crying as she floats back down to earth.
“This is bad. This is really fucking bad.” I pace the living room before stopping in the center, massaging my temples and refusing to look at her.
“Kerouac,” she says. “You’re overreacting. It was just a kiss.”
Turning to her, I shake my head, lips pressed into a hard line. “You don’t understand. I could lose my job over this.”
“No one’s going to know.” Her eyes widen. “I’ll take it to the grave.”
“You say that now.” I cock my head before dragging my hand across my cheek. “One day I might piss you off and—”
“God, no. I would never do that.” She approaches me gingerly at first, then rushes to my side, placing her hand on my chest. I brush it away. “I’m not like that. At all. I would never.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
Halston shrugs. “Okay, fine. I’m sorry. But your hand was on my cheek and we were standing so close. I thought … I thought that’s what you wanted.”
I can see how she would’ve been confused, how passion and wanton lust would’ve overtaken her in that moment.
“You have no idea how lucky you are that I stopped,” I say.
“Funny. I feel the exact opposite.”
“You shouldn’t come here anymore,” I tell her, though it breaks my heart. If she continues to stop by like this, we’re going to keep skirting the line. And one of these days, we’re going to cross it. And once the line is crossed, we’ll never be able to go back.
Halston’s emerald eyes gloss with tears, and I imagine she’s not accustomed to crying over much of anything. She’s tough, fearless, with thick skin and a resilient spirit.
But I may have just broken her.
“You should go now,” I say.
She does.
And the moment she’s gone, it’s as if someone’s blown a cannon-sized hole through my chest, heavy and gaping. I take a seat in my chair, facing the window and watching her shadow move across the yard in the dark, her arms folded across her chest and her chin tucked.
The berry-sweet taste of her full mouth lingers on mine, its taste turning bitter the second I refuse to allow myself to enjoy it a second longer. I should never have placed myself in that position—standing so close.
I knew better.
And while every part of my body craves hers with an invigorated intensity, I know deep down, I did the right thing.
Chapter 30
Halston
“Girls? You ready? Your dates are here!” Aunt Tabitha calls to us from the bottom of the stairs, and I give myself one last look in the full-length mirror on the back of my bathroom door.
I didn’t want to go to homecoming, but Thane managed to talk me into it, and when Bree miraculously landed a date, her parents insisted we go as a group. Besides, focusing my time and energy planning for this student dance all week has helped to take my mind off Kerouac … somewhat.
It doesn’t help that I see him every day, multiple times a day at school, but lately I’ve been learning his schedule and taking alternate routes to class, mixing it up sometimes so I can be sure I won’t have to see him.
Bree knocks on my door. “Come on. They’re waiting.”
Tonight we have to pretend we like each other, but I’m hoping after dinner and a little bit of time at the dance, I won’t have to see her at all the rest of the night. Vic and Tab gave us a 12:30 AM curfew, and Thane’s older brother rented us a block of hotel rooms at the Embassy Suites in downtown Rosefield. Thane was elected homecoming king yesterday at the afternoon pep rally, and last night the Rosefield Tigers won their game against their unrivaled Cherry Dale Cardinals, so everyone’s expecting Thane to be there. He promised we’ll make an appearance and then we’ll bounce.
“Yeah,” I call out. “One sec.”
I graze my palm along a pressed wave. Tabitha insisted we get our hair done at her salon today. While my hair looks soft and bouncy and neatly done, it’s hard as a rock and covered in hairspray.
A gold sequined bodice hugs my waist and lifts my breasts, and the peach tulle skirt hits just above my knees.
I look like Peaches-n-Cream Barbie.
I look exactly like the kind of girl who goes to homecoming with Thane Bennett.
The squeal of my aunt and uncle downstairs tells me Bree went on without me, which is fine. Grabbing my matching sequin bedazzled clutch, I head downstairs.
Nobody makes a big deal out of my entrance … except for Thane. His face lights as he stands there in his suit, holding a corsage in a plastic box and wearing the biggest grin I’ve ever seen.
“Halston,” he says, brows lifted. “You look beautiful.”
I wave my hand, brushing off his compliment. “Anyone would look beautiful with this much hair and makeup and a dress that shines like the top of the Chrysler building.”
“Don’t be so modest, you look incredible,” Aunt Tabitha says, and it just might be the first compliment she’s ever paid me.
Glancing out the front window, I spot a black limo in the driveway, and a man in a black tux and white driving gloves standing beside the passenger door.
“So, dinner reservations are at seven at Maestro’s Little Italy, but they want us to check in ten minutes early,” Bree says. Leave it to her to be the mother hen of the group tonight, though I’d expect nothing less. “I have our tickets in my bag. I also have gum and a phone charger if anyone needs it.”
Rolling my eyes when no one’s looking, I loop my arm through Thane’s and pull him toward the door.
“No, no, wait,” Aunt Tab says. “I want to get some pictures. And you need to do the flower thing.”
Exhaling, I turn back toward the group and suffer through no fewer than a hundred snapshots, smiling and posing and pretending to gush over the pink rose and baby’s breath corsage Thane chose for me. By the time we’re done, my cheeks are stretched and my jaw aches.
This very well may be the longest night of my life.
But I’ll get through it.
Always do.
Chapter 31
Ford
“I’ve always loved homecoming.” Sara Bliss clasps her hands, watching as students begin to fill the gymnasium. Music pumps from the speakers, a mix of songs, some new and unfamiliar, some nostalgic. “There’s just something magical in the air. The weather is cool, the leaves are changing. Everyone’s excited for a new school year.”